How to Help Your Child Deal With A Bully

Is your child being bullied? Dealing with a bully can be stressful, intimidating, and scary for your child. Try my trick for enabling your child to effectively end the bullying for good.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Identify what's going on. It can sometimes be tough to get your child to open up to you. But you know...something isn't quite right. Spend lots of time with your child doing things that they enjoy (baking, playing games, reading, riding bikes, etc.). f the conversation is slow to start, ask gentle questions about friends, school, sports, or other interests that your child enjoys. Before you know it, your child will be talking about what's on his/her mind. Be patient. It might take several hours, days, or weeks for you child to feel comfortable talking about something painful.

2. Your child has told you about a bully at school. There's name calling, rudeness, humiliation, intimidation, and maybe even physical bullying. What do you do now? If you're like me, you're tempted to run straight to school and straighten out the situation yourself. Please refrain! This is an excellent opportunity for you to help your child build self confidence and to learn to stand up for themselves.

3. Talk with your child about how he/she can respond when the bully comes to call. Some ideas:
   - Use words "Leave me alone", "Stop it", "Don't call me that"
   - Get help - help your child identify adults who are there to help them
   - Defend - if there's physical bullying involved, let your child know that you support them in sticking up for themselves by responding with a physical response to defend themselves
   - Protect - let your child know that it's a good thing for them to stick up for others who are being bullied as well. Help them to think through what they should do if they see someone else being bullied.

4. ROLE PLAY. This is the most important step! It seems awkward and silly at first, but role playing really does work. The parent plays the bully, and the child plays themself. Ease into it - start with some mild antagonizing, move to name calling, threatening, and even give them a little shove. Give your child time to respond to each of your bullying tactics and help them think of ways they can respond (remember what you talked about in step 3?). Watch your child - you'll see his/her confidence build and the reactions to bullying come faster the longer you play this game.

5. Follow Up - Check in with your child on a daily basis. Ask specifically about the child who was being the bully, ask what happened, and how your child responded. You might need to go through steps 3 & 4 several times until the bully stops terrorizing your child.

6. Involve other adults - The key is to enable your child to stand up for themselves so that the bullying stops AND doesn't return. It is wise, however, to involve as many adults as possible to help keep an eye on the situation. Drop a discreet note to your children's teachers, principal, recess monitors, and even the parents of your child's friends. Let them know that you're trying to help your child deal with the bully, but that you'd like their help to watch out for your child and to step in if necessary.

Tips & Warnings

• I recommend signing your child up for a class like Karate or Tae-kwon-do. Our children only had one summer worth of training, and they're certainly not effective fighters. But...and this is key...THEY think they are! That class vastly improved their confidence and perceived ability to stand up for themselves. There are few things that end bullying faster than a confident response.
• Bullying can be dangerous - it can quickly escalate into something violent. If at any time your child is threatened with a weapon (or if your child decides that this is something that he/she can not handle), don't be afraid to step in. Talk to teachers, the principal, the bully's parents, and even law enforcement authorities if necessary. Priority #1 has to be protecting your child from violence.
• Let your child know that physical violence is not okay. It is alright for them to physically defend themselves if the bully started it, but physically lashing out at a verbal bully will only make the situation worse.

Resources

• VISIT MY BLOG

[jojoe]

on 8/31/2009 very good, i liked your articale.

[teachermom]

on 6/9/2009 Great article! I always try to teach the children to find ways to communicate. Very helpful article!

[turtledove]

on 6/2/2009 I've never thought of role playing. That's a very good idea. 5*

[dalady]

on 5/22/2009 Excellent information! Great Job! I'm sure this article will help many parents effectively tackle the tough issue of bullying while building up their childrens self confidence and esteem. 5***** more if I could!

[tamby2112]

on 5/18/2009 Great Great Great! My girls are my first priority and teaching them how to be their own is very important and powerful especially for young women.5*s Thank you!