Things You'll Need:
- creativity
- patience
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Step 1
Prior to Mother's Day this year, decide your participation level in your relationship with your mother. Perhaps you already know this role. In every dysfunctional family there are roles that are developed, but that doesn't mean you have to be stuck in them forever.
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Step 2
Decide if you want to send your mom a card, gift, letter, or other celebratory acknowledgment. Depending on why your relationship is strained then it may be just fine to go on business as usual, however, for some people it's not alright. Don't purchase a gift out of guilt.
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Step 3
Identify your own feelings around Mother's Day. Figure out if you need support on this day or the days leading up to it or following. For people coming from abusive households it is not uncommon for a child to have a strong emotional reaction to certain holidays. For example, if your mother was the person who abused you, but the conflicting societal implication is that we are supposed to be celebrating mom, it can bring up many feelings. Therefore, it's important to know what support you need.
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Step 4
Celebrate Mother's Day with many mothers. Instead of thinking biological come up with people in your life who have held the traits of a loving mother and celebrate them. If you do this it can make it easier to celebrate your own relationship to your mother.
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Step 5
Do a grief exercise on Mother's Day. It can be very helpful to do something on this day to celebrate yourself. Any time a person helps his or herself to relieve grief it is a step of healing. For example, you might write your mother a letter and put it in a balloon, then let it go, burn it, put it into a bottle and throw it into the ocean, or some other releasing activity.
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Step 6
Celebrate your way. Just because there is a holiday does not mean you need to celebrate it. If your relationship is strained then write out how you want to make it better and find what your part in that solution is so you can implement change. Above all, take care of yourself. I'd like to think that at every mother's core, difficult relationship or not, that she would really want her child to take care of her/himself. This may never be acknowledged out loud, but self-care is the best way to celebrate our loved ones.
Comments
Gardengates said
on 4/26/2009 Nice article on a realistic way of celebrating Mother's day for so many people who have a less than ideal relationship with their mothers. Everyone's relationship with their parents is unique and it's okay not to always follow traditions!
chameleon said
on 4/26/2009 Excellent article! I wish I'd read something like this years ago when my relationship with my mother was difficult. Thanks for writing it.