How to beat Co-dependency

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By ABlackbear
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beat Co-dependency

Do you find yourself doing something you don't want to do...saying yes when you mean no? Are you taking on someone else's responsibility when they are capable? Meeting the needs of others always giving more in a situation..fixing their feelings, thinking and speaking for them, suffering their consequences, solving their problems, continuing unwanted conversations??? These are some of characteristics of being Co-dependent. Another difference between a Co-dependent and the rest of the world is, the rest of the world doesn't hate themselves for being who they are.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

Learn how to get out from under Co-dependency

Step 1

Wake up
Step 2

Detach
Why attach yourself in the first place? You don't need to adapt to someone else's problems. Stop the babbling in your head about something bad...has happened, is happening, is going to happen.
Step 3

Stop keeping yourself in a crisis state. If the person that is singing next to us "gets off key" must we?
Step 4

Don't under-react when you must react. Remember, sometimes the weak are the most powerful manipulators and controllers that are tugging at the pity strings of the world.
Step 5

Remember, you cannot change or control anyone's emotions, minds, or choices. They return to their "natural" state once your back is turned after just helping them.
Step 6

Don't look for happiness and validation in someone else. It's in you.
Step 7

Strive to take care of yourself whether you are in a relationship that you plan to continue or not. Remember, if you get scared about your future, take one day at a time. Headlights only light the road ahead a bit at a time. As you progress, you will be able to see farther.
Step 8

Let yourself know "I AM more than my problems". "I will be more."
Step 9

Ask yourself, "What is it that you need to do to take care of yourself?"
Step 10

Stop trying to prevent the inevitable by making bargains with life. It leads to depression from the constant struggles.
Step 11

If you are depressed, humbly surrender to it. This is mourning at it's fullest.
Step 12

Acceptance is almost void. You are at peace with what is. You have adjusted and re-organized. You can actually settle down and stop ducking and hiding.
Step 13

Acknowledge any repressed feelings. Sometimes they squeak by causing you to scream at the kids, kick the cat, or cry at the party.
*Remember, feelings are energy. They aren't personality traits. They aren't good or bad.
Step 14

Take a few minutes to see the situation-sensation. Decide if any what you want to do about the feeling with the behavior in line with your moral code and self care. Is your thinking off base? Is there a problem for you to solve? Then move out of the mud and detach. Examine your thinking if it's lingering
Step 15

Deal with any anger by figuring out what your anger is telling you. Is it saying that you need to change your environment? Figure out what you need from that person and if they cannot give it to you then figure out what you need to take care of yourself.
Step 16

Stop tiring out your brain with worries and obsessing. You are just causing confusion, anxiety, and this is self abuse.
Step 17

Set goals for yourself. They can cure boredom. You have to think about what you want. You don't get in the car without keys wondering where you can go hoping to get there.
Step 18

Learn to say "I love you"...but "I love me too!" Don't feel guilted into doing something for another.
Step 19

When someone is having a problem, let them know that you are sorry about it.......then DETACH! Let IT GO! It's not yours to fix.
Step 20

Learn to listen to what people are NOT saying.
Step 21

If you are used to someone treating you badly, count on it happening always and don't be shocked when it happens again. Don't let it interfere with reality.
Step 22

Some people think they have forgiven but hurt and anger just wont disappear. Think about and remember, understand, and make good decisions about what we are forgiving, forgetting, and what is still a problem.
Step 23

Remember to have fun. (It's almost impossible to have fun with repressed emotions.) Suffering can be habitual but so is going out and having fun. Would you rather be laying at home on your couch feeling like you weigh thousands of pounds or would you rather be out a carnival enjoying yourself with YOU!???
Step 24

Set your boundaries!
I will not allow anyone to hurt me.
If your act crazy, that's your business. Do it on your time..not mine!
I will not support lies.
I will not let you abuse my home or my loved ones.
I will not allow you to bring corruption to my home.
I will not rescue you from your problems or irresponsible behavior.
I will not finance or support your irresponsible behaviors.
Step 25

Look for positive energy from other people.
Step 26

Remember, habitual feelings may surface now and then and craziness returns unprovoked. Don't be ashamed...see it through to the end of your co-dependency.