Things You'll Need:
- determination to reduce your stress levels
-
Step 1
The first thing to do is to honestly assess your life. What are the things that cause you most stress? What are you doing currently that you do not need to do or enjoy doing?
-
Step 2
All of us want, on either a conscious or unconscious level, to be liked by others. We tend to shy away from saying "no" for fear of causing offense. Family and friends, particularly, can heap extra work or responsibilities onto us that cause us stress, sometimes without even being aware of it.
-
Step 3
Saying "no" is as simple as A,D,Q!
-
Step 4
A
Acknowledge!
Simply acknowledge that you have heard the request by repeating it back to the person you are talking to. Many times the reason people are offended by "no" is because they don't feel acknowledged or listened to. This step is to show that not only have you listened to their request but that you heard it. -
Step 5
D
Disclose!
This step is equally simple. In this step you are disclosing, sharing, some information with the person you are talking to. This step will both help you to be honest and say "no" and help the person you are talking to understand why you are saying "no" and allow them not to take offense at your "no". -
Step 6
Q
Question!
This is the final step and it both allows you to offer some level of assistance and also shows you are genuinely interested in helping the person who made the request.
It may be that you offer to do something else instead or suggest another way for them to get the help they asked for. -
Step 7
An example of how this works:
You are asked by a friend to spend your free afternoon collecting money for a charity they work with. You are tired from working and have many things to do with your family and chores.
A - Acknowledge
"You want me to help with your fundraising on Saturday afternoon..."
D - Disclose
"As you know I work all week and Saturday is my only free time to get caught up on all my chores"
Q - Question
"Even though I can't help you out this Saturday can I volunteer to help on your next fundraising day?"
It is vital that in the third stage you don't offer to do something you don't want to do. After all, despite this technique being very easy and helpful you don't want to end up committing to something equally stressful for you in the future!
