Things You'll Need:
- Patience
- Iron Will
- Ability to give without receiving
- Ability to resist being your child's friend
- Boundless love
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Step 1
Enjoy your child each and every moment. Don't spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about whether they will learn their ABCs, get a scholarship, be successful. The whole point of having a child is to enjoy raising the child, hour by hour. Enjoy his/her accomplishments hour by hour, and the wonderful things he does, and every kiss or hug she gives! Before you know it, he will grow up and leave home!
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Step 2
Generally speaking, the hardest time of a parent's and a child's life, is the "teenaged years". This is simply because of all the changes a child goes through at this time. Also, I don't believe most kids can see "the light at the end of the tunnel" during these years. They don't feel good about themselves and they don't know what they are good at. This leads to insecurity. For heaven's sake, they don't even look like they will look at 18. They are in a complete transitional state at this time in their lives. Add to this pressure cooker hormones, sexual urges, pimples, peer pressure, pressure to succeed at extra-curricular activities, and countless other ingredients and you get a very volatile mix!
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Step 3
Resist the urge to become your child's "friend". Maybe you are a single parent who needs a "confidante" or maybe you are using your child to fulfill your own social needs. Never let any of these things get in the way of doing your parental duties. This means when your child needs consequences for a behavior they did and knew was wrong, you must stick to your guns and give them the punishment. Okay, some say "Logical Consequences" is the best way to go. But I found that there did not seem to be logical consequences for some acts. Do what your gut instinct says to do: If your child curses at you, slap them across the face. Or turn your back and walk into your room and lock the door until you catch your breath. Whatever you do, don't just ignore it! The action must be addressed with consequences. You cannot let them get away with offenses such as this!
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Step 4
Try not to be affected by the "drama" your child may display. From 2 year old tantrums, to the preteen/teenager slamming doors or hurling threats of "I'm running away from home", the calmer you can handle these situations the better they will turn out. If you, too, fly off the handle and say out of control things, chaos will ensue and nothing positive will inevitably come from these situations. Try to keep a calm, clear-thinking head. Remember, time is on your side. Let him go to his room and slam the door. This will actually give each of you time to calm down. Eventually, both of you will return to a calm state and can think the problem through logically.
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Step 5
Remember that "Do as I say, not as I do" will always backfire on you! If your child catches you gossiping about a co-worker or another mother, no matter what you say to your child later about gossiping, what your child sees you do is what he will model. So try to model at all times what you would like your child to grow up and "be". Don't expect him to be very different from yourself.
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Step 6
Try and understand what is interesting to your child may not be what is interesting to you. Your child is made up of yours AND your husband's genes, and add to that your own mother and father and your husband's mother and father and so on...So don't expect your child to be a mirror image of yourself and to have the same skills, innate abilities, interests and talents. He will be himself or herself! Respect his interests, whether or not they are the same as yours. Try to encourage them...even if they don't seem like they will lead to a lucrative career. A child who follows his heart and is encouraged to do so will inevitably be happier than a son or daughter who is pressured into "becoming a lawyer like Daddy" or a "doctor like Mommy"!
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Step 7
And lastly, try to remember that when your son or daughter reaches 18 or begins to feel that they are an adult (this is not always 18 years) that your role becomes more of a support role, than a parental role. You are there to support their decisions and to give advice only when asked. You have done your best up until this point to guide them in the way you feel is best and now they must have space to make mistakes! Don't shelter your child from mistakes unless you feel they may put him in harm's way. Otherwise, if she asks for advice, certainly feel free to give it, but otherwise, stand aside and let your child have the freedom to live life without a sheltering, overprotective parent. This is probably the hardest thing to do, but it is so important.
