How to Reconcile a Marriage After Infidelity
Infidelity is a crushing blow to a seemingly healthy marriage. Many couples consider infidelity to be the final strike, from which they cannot recover. True forgiveness and open communication are the most effective forms of reconciliation. Forgiveness for the infidel and active communication with each other will also help prevent future infidelity.
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Instructions
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End the affair and talk to your spouse. Reconciliation shouldn't start unless you do this. The cheating likely occurred in the first place due to one spouse not feeling happy communicating with the other. Another big spark is a partner's needs not being met. Stop the vicious circle by creating a calm, open environment in which you and your spouse can discuss feelings and needs.
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Allow the offended spouse to voice her feelings on the act of infidelity. Often, the infidel doesn't see how real his betrayal is to his spouse. Speak clearly and use "I" statements to explain how you feel. Starting sentences with "you" implies blame. This will drive the offending spouse away. Calmly state your feelings and what you want from your cheating spouse from now on.
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Forgive the act. This phase is the most difficult, because of pride. Determine if you truly value your spouse, or the illusion of a happy marriage. True forgiveness isn't about the pride that has been hurt. Forgiving your spouse is the truest showing of the love that she felt she lacked in the first place. This step is vital in reconciliation, and will strengthen your marriage.
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After the talk, start weekly discussions of how your marriage is going Reconciliation isn't over in a day; it takes time. Make weekly appointments until you feel confident enough in each other's feelings to interact without lengthy discussions.
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Trust your partner again. This is the last step toward reconciliation, and requires the most strength and confidence from both spouses. The offender must trust her will to be faithful in the outside world away from her spouse. The spouse must also trust the offender in the outside world and have faith in her love. Reconciliation will not work unless both partners fully trust one another.
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Tips & Warnings
Recovering from infidelity means falling in love again, so take your time getting to know each other. The offender must take baby steps when out with the opposite sex, until his partner trusts him again.
Do not get friendly or flirty with the opposite sex, immediately after reconciliation.
