How To Talk to Your Spouse About a Divorce
Telling a spouse that you want a divorce is one of the most difficult conversations you'll ever have to have with another person. No matter how long you have been married, divorce is a difficult and heart-wrenching experience. It's important to remember that there is no way to fully predict how your spouse will react. It is probably best to have the conversation while there are no children in the home, in case voices are raised. It's important to remind your spouse to act civilized throughout the entire process for your children's sake, if there are children involved.
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Instructions
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How To Talk to Your Spouse About a Divorce
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Remain calm. As best as you can, calmly tell your spouse that you would like a divorce. For most marriages, there has been trouble in the relationship and many spouses will already have seen it coming. No matter how irritated or angry your spouse gets, try to stay calm and listen to what he has to say. Hear him out respectfully, but do not rise to his level on anger if he tries to provoke you.
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List the reasons why. Prepare a mental (or even written) list of reasons why you feel that a divorce is necessary. If possible, try to think of what your spouse is going to say about the divorce and come up with justifications why a divorce is needed. Sometimes this is easy. Other times, it may be difficult to articulate exactly why you want a divorce. This is why coming up with concrete reasons ahead of time is a good idea.
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Stand firm on your decision. No matter how your spouse may react, if a divorce is your final decision and you cannot be wavered, be sure to stay strong. The marriage must not have any other alternatives in order for you to decide that divorce was the only option. Don't reminisce with your spouse, and try to keep the conversation as short as possible. Walk away, if necessary, if you feel that you have said all there is to say.
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Explain the next steps. If possible, outline your next steps with your spouse. If the papers aren't ready for him to sign, give him a time line for when the papers will be ready or give him the name of the lawyer he can speak to. Other things to consider include: who is going to move out, custody arrangements and the splitting of other assets.
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Plan how to tell children and family. If possible, come up with a plan ahead of time of a good time when to tell your children and family about the divorce. Let your spouse know what time you have chosen; and if the split is amicable, plan to tell them together. It is important to act civilized with your spouse during the entire ordeal for the sake of your children. Act as an adult--your children will be watching your every move during this difficult time.
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