How to Decide If Divorce Mediation is Right For You

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By Jennifer W.
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Does the idea of court proceedings have you in upset? Maybe it's time to consider divorce mediation.

Many states have mandatory divorce mediation before going into family court. Even if your state is not one of them, getting a divorce can be quite a challenge.

This is especially true if each party knows what he wants, and decides not to settle for less.

Divorce mediation was put in place for this reason. Find out if mediation is right for you, before going to family court.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Step 1

Divorce mediation is conducted by a third party with no favorite.

Understand what divorce mediation is not. A mediator is a third party, which has nothing to gain from taking sides. He is there to help both parties reach an agreement without going to court.

Divorce mediation is not a meeting to try and convince you to give in to the other party. Although you may not get everything you want, it's the mediators desire that each side leaves happy.

Divorce mediation is not a winner take all. In fact, both sides will have to give and take.
Step 2

The good thing about divorce mediation is that both parties can help decide how things turn out.

Understand what divorce mediation is. This is a meeting, usually between lawyers, a third party and the man/woman involved. It attempts to settle things outside of family court.

The good thing about divorce mediation is that both parties help decide the outcome. This is different than going to court, where the judge decides the outcome. At least in divorce mediation, you both contribute and have say in what happens.
Step 3

Mediation is a total success if both parties are willing to negotiate.

Be willing to participate. For divorce mediation to work, both parties have to be willing participates. If either is dead set on what he/she wants, then it's a waste of time. However, if both consider what the other wants, it can be a total success.
Step 4

Listen to the mediator. A divorce mediator is going to tell you things you don't want to hear. If an agreement can't be met, this is something to look at and consider, before going to court.

Most mediators are also lawyers. Listen carefully and consider your options.
Step 5

Stick to your standards. During divorce mediation, don't feel the need to give in. Remember, this is written up and holds up in court, so make sure it's something you can live with.

If you feel the need to have half of the marital assets and the other party is trying to leave you high and dry, don't settle. Do try and reach an agreement, asking for a fourth.
Step 6

If no agreement can be reached during divorce mediation, the mediator signs an affadavit that he has done his best.

Go to family court if an agreement can't be met. The mediator signs an affidavit that he has tried to the best of his ability. Anything said during mediation can't be used in court. Family court is the next step.