Things You'll Need:
- Desire to travel to Costa Rica
- Your own chartered plane and $25,000.00 to pay for it
- 9 or more pets
- Tiaras and martini glasses for your pets
- 5 gallon bucket and toilet paper
- Lots and lots of luggage
- Many valuables and business possessions
- Gold, cash, jewelry to be hidden
- Lots of nerve and the ability to laugh at yourself
- A change of clothes when you get wet
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Step 1
Majica Blanca Falls , Costa RicaSell your house, cars, everything in your house to be sure there's no turning back. Take a tour when you travel to Costa Rica so you know what to expect. See the bars on all the windows, doors and garages. Walk down the streets of San Jose for a chance to have your jewelry ripped off your body, see the cats and dogs lying on the streets dying from neglect and that ever so popular poison they use, but remember all the while this is paradise so you're in for a treat on your first $250 taxi drive to the beach and enjoy having your passport and wallet picked out of your pocket while sunning!
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Step 2
See the pretty alligators in Costa RicaSo you've decided to ignore step one because you figure it was just a bad day when you visited. You are not going to listen to anyone who lives there who wants to deter you when you've decided to travel to Costa Rica to relocate. Charter your own private jet for $25,000.00...much easier to transport your animals, 27 bags of jewelry and whatever was left in your house after you sold everything. Make sure to remove the seats on the plane except for the ones you'll sit in. Remember to take along your own 5 gallon bucket to use as a potty. Small jets that you can afford don't have bathrooms.
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Step 3
Mama Pearl and the GirlsPack your pets, at least eight cats and a dog...the minimum prerequisite for a great move. Be sure to line their kennels with a cozy blanket and stuff all your gold, money and as much jewelry as you can under the blanky in the back of the kennel. Costa Ricans hate cats and no matter how much you are searched at customs they will never find your valuables. You can even rob a bank and hide the money there and it will be safe.
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Step 4
Because you want to travel to Costa Rica in the spring and you've waited to leave during the rainy season, be sure it's pouring that day to optimize your early experience and the odor of the wet dog in the plane. It's also an added benefit if you're drenched, giving new meaning to your move to paradise. The musky atmosphere will help you appreciate and fit in to the real Costa Rica in spite of the diesel fumes and 120% humidity during the eight month equatorial rainy season.
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Step 5
Fly your dog to Costa Rica on a private jetBring the tiaras and martini glasses for the cats and the dog cuz this is reason for celebration. Remember the barf bags, enough for all nine pets and yourself too because $25,000.00 buys you a cigar with wings. Oh, and remember to bring lots and lots of supplies for your business. Bring computers and other valuables in your luggage.
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Step 6
Spring is a wonderful time to start a new life and a new business when you travel to Costa Rica to set up house. You may or may not be looking to start over but what the heck. Figure out a way to get the attention of airport customs...like rolling eight kennels, a mile high stack of luggage and your dog in a flying suit through the airport at midnight. This will ensure you are noticed and they will help you start over by giving you the opportunity of having your entire collection of jewelry or other valuable inventory confiscated. Maybe you have a different kind of business. That's OK because you can have the supplies for that taken away too and then you can take advantage of you new start in paradise working in a call center for $3.00 an hour selling prescription meds to addicted Americans buying them online.
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Step 7
Lots of Dollars spent in Costa RicaBring lots of small bills, dollars are fine and happily accepted and remember to also bring lots of large bills too. Ticos won't accept $100 bills but boy do they like the $50s. Hire a taxi van and make sure there are two vans available so you have a place for the luggage and the pets. Turn off your believe-o-meter when they tell you it will only cost you $100 to get to your new home. Remember to take your blood pressure meds BEFORE you leave the airport so when the driver tells you the cost for your taxi ride is $600 you don't have a stroke. Keep in mind they have already built THEIR new house anticipating your arrival and your ARE a rich gringo after all so get used to it. Pura Vida!
This is how we did it and lived to write this article and now we're back in the States because frankly, paradise sucked! You can find links below to read the whole hilarious story on my blog. Your experience may be somewhat different but if you make every effort you can probably derive many benefits and similarities in your experiences from moving to Costa Rica in the spring. :-) -
Step 8
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Comments
Wasatch said
on 6/11/2009 Sorry your experience was bad there.
Wasatch said
on 6/11/2009 I would love to go to Costa Rica. My brother did some missionary work there years ago. I hear it is a beautiful area of the world.
melgrimes said
on 5/28/2009 Very funny!
joni04 said
on 5/26/2009 I can see why Toby on "The Office" came back to Scranton if that is what happens, :P. But seriously, hope things are back to normal for you now!
dorigillman said
on 5/26/2009 i can't believe this happened to you. we went to costa rica and had a wonderful experience and know people who have a place in costa rica and love it. sorry your experience was so bad.