How to Die a Happy Death

As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death. - Leonardo Da Vinci

A happy death. In Western society, this seems to be an oxymoron. But death is as certain as the life we live, and preparing to die is one of the most important things that any of us will ever do. What things will we have to face in order to prepare ourselves? How can we get our houses in order? As friends and relatives of one whose death is approaching, how can we assist our loved one? What can we do to accommodate their wishes, and how do we make tough decisions that must be made without guilt or regret? Whether you are reading this for your own benefit or with the impending death of a loved one in mind, this article will help you understand and work towards a happy death.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Family attorney
• Funeral home
• Hospice services
• Family
• Strength
• Peace
• Love

1. 
    

   KNOWING THE END IS NEAR
   
   Everyone's story is different. Some are diagnosed with an advanced terminal disease, others have declining health due to advanced age, and still others choose to undergo a procedure that is risky. In any of these situations, you will need to mentally prepare yourself for the inevitable final step of this life. Even if you are perfectly healthy but want to live each day as if it were your last (embracing life, making "just in case" decisions known, etc.), making mental preparations will help dispel the fear.
   
   When my father came to live with my aunt, none of us really knew that he would only live another ten months. He was 86 and had been battling Parkinson's disease for almost 20 years. What we, and he, did know is that his health was worsening and that we would need to start preparing ourselves for his death. This mental preparation is the first step in attaining a happy death.

2. 
    

   RELATIONSHIPS - expressing love, mending fences, and finding peace
   
   Confirming love, making apologies, granting forgiveness, and finding peace is important in preparing for a happy death.
   
   My sisters and I were with Dad frequently during his last months. Dad made it a point throughout these months to tell each of us how proud he was of us, and to tell us that he was satisfied with his life. Although Dad lived his life in peace with most people, he took this time to find peace with some relationships that had been troublesome. These visits, these words, these tears were all part of the process of saying good-bye, an absolutely critical step in preparing for death.

3. 
    

   BELIEFS/RELIGION/CUSTOMS
   
   Depending on your beliefs about death, you will want to make arrangements and communicate your wishes regarding religious requests, funeral arrangements, memorials and other details surrounding your death. Some people have difficulty talking about, or hearing their loved ones talk about, these arrangements. Discussing your wishes is another step in helping prepare yourself and others for your death. You may wish to leave a separate letter of instructions (don't put these instructions in your Last Will and Testament) with someone you trust.
   
   My father was a devout Catholic, so prayer (both shared and private) was an important part of his final days. Family prayed with him when appropriate. A priest stopped by to administer the sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick. These acts helped Dad achieve a happy death.

4. 
    

   DNRs and LIVING WILLS
   
   Apart from customs and religious practices, it's important that you express your feelings regarding employing extraordinary measures to prolong your life. These formalized wishes are documented in a Living Will. A Medical Power of Attorney, granting someone you trust the legal authority to make medical decisions on your behalf, usually accompanies the Living Will. If your beliefs include some limitation on resuscitative steps, you should also draw a Do Not Resuscitate order (or DNR). You can make any stipulations you require in a DNR, directing resuscitation only under certain circumstances.
   
   Dad had prepared a Living Will, a Medical Power of Attorney, and a DNR while he was still able to do so. When the time came for us to make a decision about whether or not we should take him to the emergency room, Dad had taken that burden off our shoulders.

5. 
    

   FINANCES/LEGACIES
   
   Name a responsible person you trust as your Attorney-in-Fact in a Durable Power of Attorney document. Taking this step gives you tremendous peace of mind, and it enables your Attorney-in-Fact to manage payment of medical bills from your checking account, along with other financial responsibilities.
   
   Everyone has an estate plan. If you don't make one yourself, your assets will be distributed according to your state's laws of intestacy. So, everyone has an estate plan. The question is, will your plan be something you decide or will it be what the government decides for you? You don't have to be wealthy to need a Last Will and Testament. A Will simply makes things easier for those you leave behind to know and carry out your wishes regarding your financial assets or personal property. Some states even allow for a handwritten, or holographic Will.
   
   My dad, being a pragmatist, had all these documents prepared in advance. In fact, several years earlier, he couldn't rest easy until he knew that arrangements for his finances, during his lifetime and after his passing, were taken care of. This peace of mind helped him achieve a happy death.

6. 
    

   HOSPICE
   
   I can't stress enough how helpful hospice volunteer organizations are to both the patient and the family. They understand the dying process, and know exactly how to make the last days of life as comfortable as possible. Their services are free of charge, they are a secular organization, and their volunteers are professional, caring, and a voice on the other end of the phone when family members are feeling helpless.
   
   We relied on the support of a local hospice organization heavily during the last week of my dad's life. My aunt is a loving and generous person, and Dad was able to stay in her home through the end. Each of the family members played a role in helping care for Dad on a daily basis, and the hospice nurse and other volunteers answered every question and took the fear out of the process. One last note on the value of hospice - they helped my family let my dad know it was okay for him to go. The co-incidence of a person's readiness to die and the family's readiness to let go is a critical aspect of the end of this life. With daily knowledgeable care, Dad's final days were comfortable and calm.

7. 
    

   DIE AS YOU LIVED
   
   There are so many more steps that could be written about dying a happy death. Ultimately, though, I think the most important thing to remember is that you will die as you have lived. So live lovingly, love happily, and die a happy death.

Tips & Warnings

• In memory of my dad who lives on in my heart.

Resources

• CNN/Living - 'You're going to die the way you live'
• Holographic Wills
• Hospice Net

[Mitestarossa]

on 4/11/2009 I love your attitude!

[Smireles]

on 4/10/2009 Well written article about preparing for and dying a happy death. Thank you for taking the time to tell us your heart felt story. Good job.

[nolwelen]

on 4/10/2009 It's a very well written article about how to die a happy death - a moment many people are afraid of. Thank you for sharing. 5*s

[woot]

on 4/10/2009 Thank you for the article about how to die a happy death. Really you also gave us tips on how to help our loved ones die a happy death. Both topics are important and worth a lot of consideration.

[jhill19]

on 4/10/2009 awesome article 5* and a recommendation!