How to Talk to Parents About Assisted Living

With aging parents, the time might come when you'll need to broach the subject of assisted living. Raising the subject is often as difficult as it is important, and it represents a major life transition that can unleash difficult emotions. When planning to have this talk, it's important to be compassionate and well-prepared so you and your parents can both be comfortable with the decision.

Instructions

1. Start talking early. It might take some time and several conversations to persuade your parents to consider assisted living, so you don't want to wait for a disaster to occur before bringing up the subject. Also, starting talks about assisted living before it's necessary will give your loved ones time to adjust to the idea.

2. Broach the subject during a private moment. Your parents might react initially with feelings of embarrassment, which is more likely to create a conversation that turns defensive and dismissive. Bring up the subject of assisted living during a private, casual time between you, your parents and perhaps one or two other close relatives.

3. Dispel the myths. If your parents are afraid of assisted living because of a fear of losing their freedom and independence, explain that there are assisted living options for all levels of care, including many that will allow her to retain a good deal of her privacy. Assure them that you will help them find a facility or arrangement that's right for them.

4. Include your siblings. Be sure to discuss the assisted living option with other family members before you bring it up with your parents. You might not all agree on the subject, but be sure you at least agree to express your disagreements in a civil manner. Those of you who do agree should also come to agreement about a "game plan" regarding who will talk to your parents, when and how.

5. Ask questions. Ask your parents how they feel about issues and listen to their concerns. They'll be more receptive to your suggestions if they feels that you understand and sympathize with their feelings on the issue. You can also ask leading questions that could help them come to the right conclusion on their own.

6. Be compassionate and respectful. Try to understand how difficult this decision and transition has the potential to be for your parents. Make sure to talk to them as you would any other adult. Don't be forceful or patronizing.