How to Talk To Your Child About Divorce

When a couple with children decides to get divorced, the children in the family can feel the tension in the air long before the decision to separate comes around. They know something is wrong because they can see it in their parent’s actions, their words and how they treat each other. Don’t think because they are children they don’t know something is wrong.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. When discussing this type of situation with a child, the parents can’t argue with each other or project any sort of anger at all. The best thing to do is to put aside any differences before hand and come up with a plan on how to broach this subject with their child or children. Another suggestion is to imagine how many ways the conversation can go and have multiple plans.

2. When finally talking to the children, there may be plenty of questions and the parents need to be prepared for them so they answer as one person. No matter how much the parents are unhappy with each other, they still have to be responsible to their children. Blame is not important at this point the only thing that matters is your child is losing full time access of one of their parents.

3. The children will be scared, worried, and maybe even mad. They will ask questions:
   Why?
   Do you still love me?
   What happens to me?
   Whatever I did wrong, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again!
   What did I do wrong?
   What can I do to fix it?
   Do I have to move?
   Do I have to change schools?
   What about all my friends?
   Please don’t leave!

4. Each and every word that comes out of your mouth at this point is for the benefit of your child. You have to give them your total attention and let them know, in no uncertain terms, you still love them and you always will no matter what happens.
   Children don’t have the reasoning capacity of an average adult which means you have to explain everything in the most simple of terms. Another especially important part of this discussion, and future discussions is not to bash the other parent in front of your child. They don’t need to hear that you hate your ex. You are talking about their parent and talking in such a way could create a divide in the family even worse than divorce.

5. There is no magic formula for this type of discussion with your child. Each child is different as would be the situation and you have to pull from your relationship with the child in order to have a successful discussion.

[billips]

on 5/2/2009 Good article on a subject many parents will have to face - talking to children about divorce early in the game will make it easier for everyone - 5* - B.