How to End a Long Friendship

Regardless of your reasons for doing so, ending a long friendship is an emotionally difficult task. Grieving the end of a friendship is natural, and is a sign that there were good things about the friendship that will be missed. At the same time, it's important to not rush into a decision that can have lifelong implications for both parties involved. But if you must end a long friendship, do so with thoughtfulness and grace.

Instructions

1. Think about your decision carefully. Allow any strong feelings of anger or betrayal to dissipate a bit before completely severing ties. Ending a long friendship for any reason is painful, but doing so while in a heightened emotional state may prove to be a regrettable mistake once you calm down.

2. Initiate or accept a meeting. Depending on the situation, your friend might be angry, hurt, sad or ambivalent about your decision to end the friendship, or vice versa. Make it clear that you aren't interested in a fight or trying to change how he feels, but instead wish to clear up any misunderstandings or ambiguities before a clean break is made.

3. Express yourself and listen to your friend to the fullest of your ability. Because this may be the last time you communicate with your friend, it's vital that this opportunity is not wasted. Focus on being honest about your feelings in a non-combative way, and resist becoming defensive if your friend expresses less-than-stellar thoughts about you as well.

4. Exchange contact information (if you haven't already). Even if your friendship ended on an acrimonious note, there may come a time when you or your former friend are in desperate need of a friend. Life is unpredictable, and in the midst of a traumatizing event, it will be a small comfort to know that you could reach out to this person if you wanted to.

5. Make peace with the end of your friendship. This process will be different for everyone; for many, the end of a volatile friendship may be a huge relief. For others, it will take time to adjust to the loss of someone you were close to for such a long time. No matter how you feel, understand that holding on to negative emotions will hurt no one except yourself.

Tips & Warnings

• If you think the friendship can be salvaged, share this with your friend. Whether or not your friend feels similarly, at least you will know for sure that you did everything you could.

• You aren't responsible for the actions of anyone except yourself. Resist the urge to re-involve yourself with someone who is extremely self-destructive and/or violent. Speaking negatively about a former friend to mutual friends you still share will only make you look bad.

Resources

• Cope with grief and loss in a healthy way
• Find and reconnect with old friends