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Step 1
Declare the boundaries. Set the parameters. Decide from the outset what things will and will not be discussed. Depending upon the circumstances of the divorce, it will be best to stay away from topics of conflict until enough time has passed and both parties are able to calmly discuss them.
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Step 2
Agree to disagree. When discussing questions that are open to debate, like "Who gets what from the house?" or "How do we best raise the children?", acknowledge from the beginning that there will inevitably be differences of opinion. Then agree that when this happens, there will be either a cooling-off period or a reasonable, calm discussion. If there is such a plan in place, ex-spouses will be better prepared when conflicts arise.
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Step 3
Continue to communicate. Slamming doors, the cold shoulder and the silent treatment may have contributed to the breakdown of the marriage. It makes sense to resolve that these methods will not be a component of the post-marriage relationship. This is very important, especially when there are children involved who will be watching, and will emulate their parents' relational styles. Keep the lines of communication open, even if it's awkward.
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Step 4
Make honesty a priority. If infidelity or some other betrayal caused the divorce, this may be very hard. However, trust is just as important now if there is to be a genuine relationship. This can be a time of bridge-building if both parties agree not to bring up past mistakes. The injured person needs to give the ex the chance to show she can be trusted again. After all, the marriage is dissolved, and this article assumes a reconciliation is not desired. Therefore, honest talk and action will not change what has occurred in the past, but can show how one's character has improved. This will also go a long way toward rebuilding respect for each other.
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Step 5
Continue, if necessary. If both sides reside in close proximity to each other or if frequent communication is needed because of children, then strive to keep the relationship friendly. No matter how contentious the marriage or divorce, adults need to practice the "forgive and forget" approach--except in the case of abuse, which needs to be immediately reported to the proper authorities.
