How to Conduct a Memorial Service
It seems a daunting task---in the middle of unspeakable grief, plan and carry out a service that truly captures the essence of a loved one who has passed. However, when tragedy strikes, you may have mere days to plan a tribute worthy of years. Just as there is no single correct way to grieve, there is no one way to conduct a memorial service. However, breaking the process down into doable steps may make it a little easier to consider how best to pay homage to your loved one.
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Instructions
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Follow the wishes of the deceased. While not everyone has the foresight to let their wishes be known, if your loved one has, it is important to honor their desires. It may also save you some hand-wringing regarding attention to details. Questions regarding religious affiliations, interests, passions and even food to be served at a service may well have already been answered by the very person you intend to honor.
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Consider the attendees. Since memorial services need not occur at the time of a person's death, you may want to plan your service for a time when more of the deceased loved ones can be in attendance.
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Announce the service. Whether you choose to advertise the service in a public forum such as a newspaper or online funeral site or send invitations to a private function, you will need to notify when and where they can come to honor their loved one.
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Choose a religious or secular service. Whether you are asking your priest to perform a memorial service shortly after a person's death or a friend to officiate a year later, you will want to decide how, when and if God plays a role in the service.
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Pick a location. If your loved one adored the ocean, you may want to consider a beachside service; a mountain, meadow or a favorite retreat would be beautiful as well. The important factor to consider is what will honor the passed without sacrificing the comfort of those in attendance.
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Decorate with flowers and love. If the deceased loved horses, bedeck the place with photos of them. If he was an avid gardener, choose his favorite bloom. If she was the leader of her sewing circle, drape the room with her quilts.
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Display a life. Encapsulating a life in a single setting on a single day is impossible. However, so many of us leave behind piles of pictures in trunks and attics that rarely see the light of day. Now's the time. Explore the recesses of your loved one's home and work environment to pluck a few gems and put them on display at the service. If you have time, ask others to share their photos as well.
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Choose passages and poems. Whether you choose a bible verse or a favorite poem, it is often true that words already written may say exactly what those gathered need to hear.
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Designate a eulogist. Some memorials open the floor to anyone who wishes to pay tribute to an honoree. It is still a good idea to appoint someone to summarize a life which has touched many. Consider that person the leader of a celebration of life. Choose with consideration of their closeness to the deceased, and their ability and strength to speak well at such a difficult time.
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Choose music. While "On Eagles' Wings" and "Amazing Grace" are classic accompaniments to memorial service, there isn't any reason you can't include jazz or rock or country. Choose the music, like everything else, with a mind to the one person who cannot be in attendance.
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Share food. At the end of the memorial service, offer your guests food and drink to further celebrate a life. Serve as if the departed is among you---for he is in memory and spirit---and allow your guests to continue their tribute in a casual environment.
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