How to Deal with Manipulative People

Deal with manipulative behavior.

Simple steps to deal with manipulative people and their behaviors.

Things You'll Need

• Communication Skills
• Patience

Instructions

1. You must understand that manipulative behavior is really about exercising control over the events, situations, and other people that effect that person's life. They have developed these techniques and behaviors as a sort of defense mechanism to control things that are distressing or frustrating for them. However, this supposed control comes at the cost of damaging relationships, whether with family members, friends or even a spouse.

2. Identify the manipulative behaviors that these people are using. There are so many different forms of manipulation out there and some are very subtle. After all, manipulators love to have control of you and get you to act the way they want you to act. It's all about them and it's selfish for someone to treat another person this way.

   To identify these behaviors, think about what they do and whether they use their words to get you to do something that you really don't want to do. Ask yourself a few questions about the purpose of their actions. For example, "Why are they telling me about their problems when they have nothing to do with me?". Odds are they are trying to use your feelings of guilt or sympathy to get you to do something for them. It's really easy to see their manipulation once you learn how they operate.

3. General techniques to deal with manipulative people:

   Give yourself a break. Think of excuses you can use to avoid these people. Don't take their phone calls. Quit participating in activities with them. Make yourself scarce and use distance as a defense against their manipulation.

   Be honest with them about their behaviors. Have a frank and upfront discussion about how you understand what they are doing and how it makes you feel. Expect them to deny ever doing any of the things you say they are doing. However, continue to explain that you don't care for the way they are treating you and they must stop immediately. If they truly have any feelings for you as a person, they will change their ways.

4. Specific techniques to deal with certain manipulative behaviors:

   Many people use guilt to manipulate others. They make statements about how unhappy they are, or talk about all of the nice things you have, and they don't have. The best way to deal with guilt is to refrain from sharing too much information with these people. Don't tell them about the things you have, your healthy relationships, or how much money you make. They will just use the information to guilt you into feeling sorry for them.

   Some people use lying to get what they want from others. These lies can be either blatant, or subtle "white lies". However, no matter the form, lying is an effective way to manipulate others. It's really hard to deal with people who lie, until you recognize what they are. You may get burned a time or two, before you see what is really happening in your relationship. Once you have identified a lying manipulator, refuse to accept anything they say as true. Withhold your trust and explain to them that the lies must stop now, and they will have to prove themselves to earn your trust again.

   Some manipulative people make threats to gain control. For example, threatening to leave if you don't do what they want. The fear of abandonment is a substantial fear for many people and they will do anything to avoid it. A master manipulator knows this and is using it against you. You really can't counter this behavior, except to acknowledge their threat and see if they will really carry through with it. That's the only way to take back control. Many times, their threats are empty and they end up backing down and trying something else to get their way.

Resources

• Read this Article in Spanish