How to Fight Fair With A Partner

Nearly all couples have disagreements from time to time. However, the approach that both partners take to fighting can have a tremendous impact on their relationship, and even on whether or not the two of them will end up staying together over the long haul.

Fighting fair is one of the best ways to preserve an intimate relationship with a significant other. But how exactly do you “fight fair”? What constitutes “fair fighting”? If you want some specific tips about how to fight fair with a partner, read on.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

1. The first step in learning how to fight fair is to focus exclusively on the subject of the argument and not to stray from that topic at all. Don’t bring up other issues in the relationship that have angered you. If you can keep an argument focused directly upon the matter at hand, you can resolve it faster and with fewer hard feelings.

2. Another way to fight fair with a partner is to modulate the volume and tone of your voice throughout the disagreement. If you take care not to start yelling and screaming (despite the fact that you are angry about something), and if you use a tone of voice that is not cruel or mocking or sarcastic, but is simply firm and serious, this is another important aspect of fighting fair.

3. A third way to fight fair (instead of fighting “dirty” or unfairly) is not to attack a partner on a vulnerable point. For instance, if you know that your partner feels bad about having been unemployed for the past few months, don’t bring that up during an argument. This is not a fair fighting tactic. In fact, it’s a version of “kicking someone when they are down.”

4. If you feel the need, be sure to take a self imposed “time out” during an argument so that you can collect your thoughts, calm down, and make sure that you don’t say something regrettably hurtful.

Tips & Warnings

• When it comes to trying to fight fair, know that you can usually “feel it” when you have slipped out of “fair fighting mode” with a partner (or anyone else for that matter) and into “dirty fighting mode,” and it’s definitely not a good feeling. Trust your gut instinct on these matters. If you are starting to feel guilty or troubled by your own words and/or behavior during a fight or argument, then stop to take a breath and re-evaluate what the two of you can do as a team to resolve the problem in the fairest and least relationship-damaging way.