-
Step 1
Decide whether you’re an offender. Helicopter parenting is an age-old phenomenon with a brand-new, shiny 21st century name. You know how helicopters hover in one position in the sky, constantly keeping a lookout for trouble? Picture the parents (or parent) of a young person (typically a college-age student) hovering anxiously over their child, on constant alert for any sort of perceived threat, challenge or quandary their kiddo faces…and then picture those same parents swooping in and fixing everything in a nice adult manner before their kid ever has the chance to sort things out themself. Swwwooosshhh. Sound familiar?
-
Step 2
If you’ve self-identified as helicopter parents (or as a single offender), know that it’s never too late to change! Of course you want the best for your child. But put yourself in your child’s shoes for a minute, and ask yourself what they’re learning from your “let-me-fix-it-honey” behavior. Are they learning skills that will help them fight their own battles when you’re not around? Or are they just learning to be passive – that someone will always be there to fix their problems?
-
Step 3
If your child is at college, stop calling every day – you know, just to chat and catch up. Behavior like this can create serious co-dependency on the part of your child and can put you in a real bind later on if they become used to you stepping in for every little problem. Obviously, some problems (drugs, binge drinking, friends involved in illegal or unsafe activities, etc.) SHOULD be talked about openly with your child, if you are lucky enough to have the option. But talks like, “I got a D+ in Calculus and I think it’s ‘cuz the professor doesn’t like me” should NEVER end with you calling the Dean of the Mathematics Dept! An adult would go talk to their Calculus TA and ask for help; respect your child by letting them turn into an adult.
-
Step 4
Remember that your child has just as much right to a private life as you do. Let them have the time they need to grow and make mistakes, and allow them to be private about those choices if they choose to be. Be supportive when mistakes are made, but don’t rush in and try to fix them all with money or connections.
-
Step 5
Give your child your two cents when you're taking with them, not your whole credit card! Chances are, your child already knows what to do in a lot of challenging circumstances you've never even dreamed of. Your child will amaze you with what he/she can do on their own steam - they can write their own entrance essays, find their own jobs, and use their own experiences to help them make important decisions. Before you know it, they'll be real adults!
Comments
soanyway said
on 4/25/2009 I always said "give a kid everything growing up and they grow up thinking the world owes them everything"!Overcompensation.....BAD BAD BAD! Single parent's do that a lot. Great article! ;-)