How to Best Visit Thailand

Thailand is a land of smiles. It is also a land of contradictions, enchantment and a juxtaposition of the old world and modern world. To get the most out of a trip to Thailand I recommend you follow some simple steps and do a lot of planning.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Thailand is truly amazing. Anyone who ever visits Thailand is struck by the fascinating culture, people and astonishingly beautiful country with a wealth of natural wonders. From the monks who wander the streets of Bangkok (Krungthep in Thai) barefoot, to the strict modest culture which ironically entertains bar girls (prostitutes that loiter around bars) and is home to the world's largest population of Katoeys (transsexuals). It was no mistake when ABBA sang "You'll find a god in every golden temple, and if you're lucky then the god's a she". The Katoey, or ladyboys, are often prettier than the Thai women. A lesser known spin on the Katoey is locally known as a "Tom" which you are even less likely to spot. These are females who live as males for all practical purposes, they too are transsexual but lesser known more likely due to the higher number of visible Katoeys.
   
   I will not entertain sex tourism in this "how to" as I strongly disagree with it, though anyone visiting must be warned that though technically illegal it is widely accepted and widely available and you will have to learn how to avoid it, especially if you have children with you. That said, Thailand remains a land with many options and many things to see so do not shy away if you want to see the best of Southeast Asia!
   
   Your first choices need to be priorities. Yes you can go to one of the many islands or tourist areas and lay on a beach for your time. This is not hard and it is easy to do. But in doing so you will forgo many of the sites and excitement Thailand has to offer. I recommend anyone going to Thailand take at least 2 weeks to go, especially since the flights from USA West Coast get you there TWO days later due to crossing the international dateline, and the same goes if you travel via Europe (unless you are in Europe planning to go). Unfortunately the non-stop flight from New York which was 18 hours and flew over the North Pole no longer operates. That flight did get you there one day later and at night which conveniently seemed to negate any possibility of jet lag. You can still get a Singapore Air flight out of Newark to Bangkok or the region in general from Newark via Singapore.

2. When you have your dates divide them up. I highly recommend three days in Bangkok. This is very convenient as you land in Bangkok and can go straight to your hotel. There are many nice hotels depending on your budget and many nice areas. For ALL hotel bookings I always recommend tripadvisor for honest and personal reviews of each hotel. You are certain to find people who are like you that write honest reviews which often are more accurate than professional "ratings".
   
   In Bangkok it is sightseeing and shopping! Since I am allotting a short time for your stay in Bangkok I would highly recommend you get yourself on a guided tour of the city for one day. These will whisk you from one site to another so you can see all the "must sees" at once in a day. The next day should be spent shopping. There are many places to shop but I like MBK (it is a very Thai place to shop) and Siam Paragon. These are more "commercial" markets or malls rather. For more traditional Thai markets you MUST go to the Chatuchak Weekend Market. It is only open on weekends so try and be in Bangkok on a weekend either on your arrival or departure. You can get there easily by metro which your hotel can tell you how to do it. It is an outdoor flea-market type of place where you can buy anything from crafts, to gold, to clothing, pets, exotic animals, food, artifacts and anything you can think of! It is huge and I would not advise anyone to go there dressed in anything but light, airy loose-fitting clothes. It heats up like an oven in the equatorial sun!
   
   If you have time I also recommend you go for a traditional Thai massage at Wat Pho. Wat Pho is a massage school where the best and most Thai massage therapists learn their trade. Though you will feel it is quite clinical, you will not get a better Thai massage barring "blind massage" (Thai massage done by blind masseuses/masseurs). Thai massage was developed to help stretch chanting monks after hours of prayer in awkward positions, so it is essentially a relaxing and invigorating yoga done TO you!
   
   At night don't miss the Suan Lum Night Bazaar. There you can find a small version of the busy weekend market! Always negotiate. One phrase you should learn that will both impress and get you a bargain is "lot rha kha dai mai?" (pronounced lot rah kaah die my) It means can I have a discount!
   
   There are many nooks and crannies to see in Bangkok including the seedy Patpong district and many different districts/areas-you need to prioritize!

3. The rest. As if it is so easy it is not. You need to decide on your own which area is the "relaxation" choice for you. I would tell anyone visiting Thailand to go from Bangkok to Chiang Mai, being very careful to learn all they can about accommodation as most are NOT very nice even if highly rated. There you would want another two days. One for shopping at the night market which is one of the oldest markets in the world which began as a place that Chinese merchants/traders would stop for the night and set up market on their way to Bangkok. The Chinese influence is very heavy here. The other day I would take a city tour which will likely bring you to the photo I have Doi Suthep, a beautiful if not breathtaking hilltop Buddhist Temple.
   
   My final destination, cliche or not, would be Phuket. I say Phuket because if your time is limited it offers you the best opportunity to enjoy all Thailand has to offer in the relaxation/tropical break arena. There are many other places such as Pattaya, Cha Am, Hua Hin (it means head stone, this also will impress the Thais if you know this trivia. It is also where the King vacations), Koh Samui, Koh Samet, Khai Lak (devastated by the Tsunami but slowly recovering) and many, many more. My personal preference for Phuket is that you still have a mall, a city, a downtown, a lot of shopping, different regions, areas to explore and beaches and golf and all you need. In other words, if your time is limited this would be my final port of call.
   
   As for accommodation it would depend on what you are looking for. There is Karon Beach, Kata, Kamala, Rawai, Phuket Town, Patong (this is arguably the seediest area of Phuket and most tourist oriented, here you will see many bar girls and many sex tourists, it dominates the nightlife), Chalong, Bang Tao, Cape Panwa and many more. My favorite area is Surin. Surin is a bit North on the island but it is more peaceful and enables you to go to other areas at will but retreat to a quieter less "touristy" area. It tends to attract a higher level of tourist and more often than not resident foreigners and local Thais. This is highly personal and I recommend you look at all your options and read up on all areas mentioned to determine what is right for you. I speak Thai so for me the language barrier is not as much an issue, for many it will be. Whatever you choose, welcome to Thailand, Sawasdee Kha! Chock dee!

Tips & Warnings

• This is a brief outline due to writing limits. I recommend anyone wanting to tailor their vacation loosely follow this advice and look into all options as per your desires and likes and dislikes.
• Always negotiate. It is famous among Thai speakers and Thai people that there are two prices. There is a "farang" (foreigner) price and then there is a "kohn thai" (thai people) price. The starting price is much lower for Thais and is negotiable in both cases. Keep it fun though because most of these people are desperately struggling so if you can afford a but more, let them know by perhaps negotiating for fun and then throwing in a bit extra at the end. The negotiating is a game but do not try to go too low, they make their money off tourists.
• Male visitors particularly beware that you may be offered unsavory or unwanted "happy endings" if you go for Thai massage at certain places. This goes for YOUNG males as well. Parents should be particularly careful with their sons. This is not only during massage but also on the streets at night. In certain areas bar girls as well as Katoey prostitutes are outright predatory and will grab males, young and old alike. I have met very street savvy European teenage boys who were petrified after a night out in Bangkok.
• Beware if you do go as a single, male or female, and happen to find romance. Firstly, HIV is a different sub-type in SE Asia and especially Thailand. It is sub-type E which has arguably been shown to be more easily passed via heterosexual sex. ALWAYS use protection if you have any sexual relations.
• Anyone who does pursue a relationship with a Thai person, beware of being used. Some Thai people have mastered the art of seduction and usage. They see you not as a love but as a way out or as a temporary wallet. I know many men particularly who have been convinced they met the perfect girl only to find out they and ten others were being bled dry for money for fake operations for sick family, or worse, used as a ticket out of Thailand. This does not make women immune, many Australian girls (more because they travel there more often) fall for the handsome Thai men (yes they are very handsome some of them) and later find out they have a wife, girlfriend or even both and children.