How to Prepare to Visit a Terminally ill Friend or Relative

If you are ever faced with having to visit someone who is terminally ill, it can be very difficult. Whether you are going to visit, or to say good bye it can be very emotional. I don't know if you can actually be "prepared" to visit a terminally ill friend or relative. But these steps helped me prepare for just such a visit not that long ago.

Instructions

1. Remember how they were before they became ill.

   Before you go to visit, think of fond memories you have of the person when they were well. Visualize them in better days of good health. Use these mental images when you are visiting with someone who doesn't look at all like the person you remember.

2. Know ahead of time what they are dealing with.

   Before you make your visit find out what you should expect. The extent of their illness, any changes in them physically or mentally since you last saw them and any machines they may be hooked up to. For instance, it will help you tremendously if you know ahead of time that they are on a breathing machine, rather than finding that out when you arrive to visit.

3. Prepare yourself and know they might not be the person you remember.

   They might not at all physically resemble the person you remember. In addition, they might not mentally be the person you knew. Keep this in mind when visiting and try to remember the person they were, rather than the person they have become.

4. Visit for as long or short as you feel comfortable with.

   You may not feel up to a long visit - it can be emotionally draining. Don't feel obligated to stay for any certain length of time. Stay only as long as you feel comfortable and always abide by the hospitals visiting policy.

5. Be prepared for visiting someone on life support.

   This is a tough one. People on life support can be alert and awake. But due to their breathing tubes, they can not adequately communicate. It can be awkward struggling for things to say when they can not respond. If you know the person you are going to see is on life support think ahead of time for things you can talk about that require no response. Or instead of trying to make conversation, tell the person how you feel about them or how much they've meant to you. Sit quietly and hold their hand. You could also bring a book of short stories, poems or the Bible to read to them.

6. Be positive and make eye contact.

   As hard as both of these things are they can really boost the person's spirits. Making eye contact and having a positive attitude can bring a little happiness to the person. Don't forget to smile a lot! That can do wonders for cheering up an ill friend or relative.