Things You'll Need:
- Patience
- Positive Attitude
- Communication Skills
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Step 1
We've all encountered people that exhibit passive aggressive behavior. Whether at work, school, church, or home, these passive aggressive (PA) behaviors have a way of aggravating the most calm and patient person and drive the rest of us to the point of insanity. They serve as a means of control for their purveyor and also a defense mechanism of sorts. Passive aggressive people are especially difficult to manage in the workplace, since their behaviors can create discord within an organization.
To begin to deal with a passive aggressive person, you must identify their target behaviors and decide which methods to use to deal with those behaviors. Some examples of passive aggressive behaviors include repeated forgetfulness, procrastination, inability to make decisions, inability to accept responsibility, and constantly making excuses. There are often other behaviors exhibited, but once you can identify and deal with one problem, you can take steps to deal with other issues and behaviors. Specific steps to deal with these issues are detailed next. -
Step 2
How to deal with repeated forgetfulness:
Encourage the person to become more organized. Give a personal planner as a gift for their next birthday. It might just serve as a subtle hint that you think they need to be more organized.
Offer to help them set up a reminder book or to do list for the tasks that they need to accomplish. Writing tasks down makes them real and helps the person to acknowledge their awareness of the tasks. It's hard for them to claim that they forgot when they have a written reminder right in front of them. -
Step 3
How to deal with procrastination:
Set firm deadlines for tasks that need to be accomplished.
Encourage them to plan ahead, using a calendar to keep track of upcoming deadlines and required completion dates.
Break large tasks up into smaller parts and require that they complete each part within a certain time frame. This creates an artificial schedule for them and prompts them to start work sooner rather than later. -
Step 4
How to deal with the inability to make decisions:
Give them a choice. If possible, offer several different options when asking them to make a decision. The ability to make their own choice empowers them and makes decision making easier and more fulfilling. This method works for young children and it might just work for that indecisive person in your life.
Put them in control of the decision making process. Inform them that the decision is for them to make and no one else will make that decision for them. Put the responsibility on them from the start. Don't offer advice or guidance, make them be in charge. -
Step 5
How to deal with the inability to accept responsibility:
Hold people accountable. Don't accept excuses. Don't let things just slide, just because it's easier that way. That's exactly what the PA person is hoping you will do. They think "I'll do such a bad job, that no one will ever ask me to do anything important again". Make them meet their obligations without any room for compromise.
Withhold rewards when goals aren't met. Just like a child, that can't get their chores done, passive aggressive people should not be rewarded for failing to meet expectations.
Express sincere disappointment when they fail to show responsibility for their inabilities. Start with, "I was really hoping that you could have improved the quality of your work by now, I'm really disappointed with your continued lack of responsibility for the tasks that you have been assigned". This will either make them aware that they have a problem and need to step it up or insult them so much that they just might move on and become someone else's problem. -
Step 6
How to deal with the person that is constantly making excuses:
This is perhaps one of the most difficult passive aggressive behaviors to deal with. It's difficult in the sense, that everyone makes excuses from time to time. It's natural to rationalize and blame other people or factors for failure. The problem is that people with a passive aggressive tilt use excuses to explain everything. They don't make occasional excuses for poor performance or mistakes, they are always blaming others for their failures or shortcomings. It's just never their fault. Put a stop to the constant excuse making with a simple statement: "I'm not interested in excuses, I'm interested in results". Once the PA person learns that excuses don't fly with you, you'll see one of two things. Their performance will improve, or they'll just try to avoid you completely. You can hope for improved performance.
