How to Put Audrey to Sleep

Audrey is my daughter and she does not go to sleep like the rest of us. Here is what it takes to get her to sleep:

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Your own Audrey

1. Once she is fed and changed, hold her and walk her around in a lighted room. She will yawn and get a little cranky when you stop walking. When she calms down and starts to close her eyes perform the next step...

2. Swaddle her in her swaddling blanket. She will get restless and move around a lot as you swaddle her but don't stop. Once you finish swaddling her pick her up and start walking her again.

3. She will start to close her eyes again but she will get cranky and cry on and off in a tired sounding way.

4. Try to sing to her to calm her down while you are walking her (my wife tells me). I can't sing so I try to humm or whistle.

5. While humming or whistling I slowly turn down the lights in the house. If this is done too fast she starts to scream.

6. Wait for her to close her eyes. But keep walking once she does. If you don't she may get cranky again.

7. After walking her for about 5 minutes, once her eyes are closed, relax on the couch with her (but don't shift her around much).

8. Wait about 5-10 minutes on the couch with her and then take her into the bedroom. Prepare to lay her down to sleep by doing the following:

9. Shift your hold on her slowly so that you have her head in one hand and her bottom in the other. If you do this too fast you will cause her to move a lot and wake herself up.

10. Then slowly lay her down. Don't let go of her right away. Keep your hands underneath her.

11. After about a half a minute or so slowly pull out your hand that is underneath her bottom. This should take about 10 seconds to do. Do not go any faster, she may stir.

12. Then after another half minute slowly remove your other hand from underneath her head. This should take longer; about 30 seconds. She may stir a little but this is usually okay at this point.

13. Then stand and wait near her to see if she starts stirring. If she does start to stir pick her up right away and hold her tight (comfortably tight). Then walk her around just a little. If this fails to work use the exercise ball to bounce her. Once she is back asleep for at least 5 minutes proceed to step 10.

Tips & Warnings

• It is helpful if you look like, smell like and sound like mommy or daddy to have a fair chance at putting Audrey to sleep.
• Do not attempt this by yourself. This was done by a professional with many weeks of training and proper conditioning (both mental and physical).
• The author will not accept responsibility for any failed attempts at applying the above steps to any other child.