How to Soothe Separation Anxiety in Children

Does your toddler have a meltdown when you leave her with a sitter? When saying goodbye to your preschooler does he cry or grab your hand? Does he beg you to stay? Separation anxiety is a phase which takes both you and your child some getting used to. Here are ways to deal with the angst of saying goodbye.

Instructions

1. Regard anxiety as normal. Almost all children display anxiety when separating from parents (and parents do too). Separation anxiety can begin as early as one year and continue off and on through toddler stage up to preschooler and beyond. Screaming, crying, kicking, wailing, whimpering, holding on are natural ways of expressing fear and worry. While some kids recover quickly, others are slow to feel comfortable. Don't compare your child's behavior to others. Every child is different. If you start comparing, chances are you'll end up with a case of anxiety yourself==and that will add to this already stressful situation.

2. Consider upset a learning phase. Anxiety goes hand in hand with learning to be apart and reuniting later. Do not scold. You and your child are connected, have a strong attachment and separating is not easy. Even after you've gotten the hang of dropping them off, as a parent you'll feel a little guilty leaving. He would rather spend his day with you or have you stay close while he plays with friends. By crying and clinging, she's showing that she wants to be in charge of what's going on. With your reassurance, she can successfully navigate this phase. In fact, separating from your little darling might be more challenging for you. Once you're gone, she'll probably be happily playing while you're still fretting.

3. Prepare in advance. Tell your child what to expect. Don't spring your departure at the last moment. Tell her in the morning that today is daycare day. Or prepare him the night before, "What toy would you like to take to the babysitter's house?"

4. Establish goodbye rituals. Mary established a goodbye ritual for 3-year-old Amy. When she drops her off at daycare it's two kisses on each cheek, a big hug and a blow kiss as mom walks out the door. This little goodbye ritual is comforting for both mom and child.

5. Say: "I'll be back." Try to arrive at the exact time every time. A routine is always comforting. If that isn't possible, say, "I'll be back after lunch." Since young kids don't grasp time in terms of hours, give them a reference point.

6. Manage uncomfortable feelings. You're both learning to manage the uncomfortable feelings that arise with separation. As you discover that your child can manage without you, you'll feel better about leaving . They'll feel more confident about themselves. Kids are quite resourceful. Managing uncomfortable feelings is a skill that's learned with practice.

7. Calm yourself. It's normal to be fearful when leaving your little darling. I always had a slight pit in my stomach whenever I left my sweet daughter. She's 30 now and I still feel a pang of missing whenever we part. It's our human condition. Never wanting to be apart from the ones we love. I assure you, however, that it gets easier when you find out that they enjoying being with others. As a mother who stills feels slightly anxious every time I say goodbye, I can verify that we both appreciate our individual lives. We know we're only a phone call away.