How to Heal a Marriage After Drug Abuse
Figuring out how to heal a marriage after drug abuse isn't easy. The difficulties vary from couple to couple, as do the other trust issues that have developed and the residual hurt because of them. Having an addiction that affects a relationship can be difficult to recover from, especially since you are also dealing with being, or being married to, a recovering addict.
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Instructions
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If You Are the One In Recovery
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Talk to your spouse. It may seem to be redundant advice about all aspects of relationship issues, but communication really is the key to healing a troubled love life. Opening up about your feelings and fears lets your spouse know that you are not keeping any secrets from her, emotional or otherwise. As an addict, you know that small things always snowball into bigger problems; stop them before they have a chance to amount to anything.
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Don't lie anymore. This goes along with the theory that little things can turn large at a moment's notice. Even small "white lies" can destroy a fragile couple that has trust issues. When learning how to heal a marriage after drug abuse, it's important that you admit the smallest of infractions immediately. In order to break the cycle, you must cut it completely. If your spouse feels the need to check up on you for a while, give her the opportunity and tools to do so. Understand that she needs more than just your words as reassurance that you are not continuing the lifestyle that hurt you both so badly.
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Listen to your spouse. Letting your spouse also open up without fear of judgment or anger goes a long way when trying to fix a shaky love life. Let the person you hurt vent; let her cry and scream if that is what she needs to do to feel a little better. Then hold her afterwards and tell her that it is your turn to be there for her no matter what. Someone sticking by you through the process of recovering from addiction deserves your sticking by her through her own healing process as well.
If You Are the Spouse
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Talk to your spouse. When learning how to heal a marriage after drug abuse, it's just as important for you to keep the lines of communication open as it is for the one in recovery. You need to explain your fears and your pain so that he understands what happened cannot be undone, just made better in the future. It may be tempting to close up your emotions, especially when your spouse seems to be doing so well with conquering his addictive behavior. You may not want to rock the proverbial boat, but you need to go through a healing process of your own as well. Your feelings are just as important to saving your relationship as the other person's needs.
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Think before you speak. It may be easy to just blow up every once in a while after your trust has been trampled on. You have every right to be angry and hurt over everything that happened because of his addiction, but if you've chosen to stay to help him work it all out, you have to mean it. This may mean continuing to make sacrifices for someone who seems to have done nothing in return but cause you pain. Just remember that you will be able to get him to understand and show empathy a lot easier if you talk when you're calm and want to make things better between you two. If at any time rage is all you feel, it can take over the conversation, thus causing you to say things you more than likely will regret.
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Trust again. This will not happen overnight and it may not happen for a long time afterwards either. The important thing is that you take small steps of showing him some trust when he deserves it. You cannot spend the rest of your life checking up on someone else and worrying yourself into a stomach, headache or continued heartache. If you are still not healing at all after a reasonable period of time, you may have to consider your other options. It is only fair to you, as the spouse of a recovering addict, as well as your spouse, who will struggle for the rest of his lifetime to stay sober.
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Tips & Warnings
Going to marriage counseling, in addition to addiction therapy and support groups, can benefit a couple who are healing their relationship as well as themselves.
