How to Get Kids to Do Chores
There was a time when chores were not something added on to a child's life. Rather, they were the things that made the family's life continue from day to day. Children did their fair share of work around the farm or the family business, because everybody did.
Things are a little bit different now. Many of our chores are automated, such as washing dishes and clothes, and therefore require very little attention. And nowadays, we consider kids' primary work to be their schooling, not the family-based chores.
Still, there is a great deal of value in requiring children to do chores. It isn't always easy, though; kids naturally resist any extra work, and that resistance often translates into extra work for the parents. Still, it's worth the effort. The following are some ways to make sure children are doing their chores around your house.
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Instructions
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Explain Your Values
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Discuss with your spouse or partner why you want your children to have regular chores in your home. That way all parents can present a united front with the children.
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Tie chores to allowance. This helps kids make the vital connection between money and work that they will have to understand in their future. Consider pro-rating the payment of allowance to tasks performed--if they only do half their chores, they only get half their allowance. Don't make it all or nothing. Tying chores to allowance also eliminates resentments between kids, since the one doing his work isn't getting paid the same as the one who doesn't.
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Tie non-performance to negative consequences. As with so many parenting tasks, a carrot-and-stick approach is necessary. A child may decide, if she is feeling lazy, that she'll just forfeit the money she would make that day in exchange for not having to do the chore. She might be less willing, however, if she knows that not only will she not get the money, but she'll also lose computer or TV access that day. Make the consequences of not doing their chores very clear.
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Explain that chores are required of everyone, children and adults alike, because everyone has something to contribute to the family and to the home. Everyone is valuable enough to do something for the whole. Conversely, failure to perform the chore not only results in lower allowance and negative consequences, but it also lets the family down, and makes it so that nobody can function at their best.
Get Your Children's Input
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Ask your children what chores they are willing to do, or what they think needs to be done. You'll be surprised at how much input they have. Ask them what chores they don' t mind and which ones they hate--and do your best to minimize the ones they hate. After all, we do that for ourselves, too.
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Ask them about the schedule. If a child has extra soccer practice on Thursday, maybe that's not the best day to schedule him for cleaning the bathroom. Maybe something lighter, like clearing the table after dinner, is more appropriate. And older kids will want to protect Friday night social time and Saturday morning sleeping time. You can be a bit flexible with when they do which chores.
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Ask them about negative consequences. They will usually tell you frankly which privileges it would be painful and motivating for them to lose. Ask them what they think are appropriate consequences for failing to come through for the family. Work those consequences into your carrot-and-stick approach.
Set Up Your System
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Make a chart. It's up to you how often chores should be done. In some families, Saturday is the only chore day of the week. When the chart is made, with the chores clearly listed on it, find some way to mark the completion of the job. Use stickers, stars, markers or smiley faces. With a chart, kids can see the exact correlation between chores, money and privileges.
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Establish a time limit. If you allow kids to make up unfinished chores at the end of the month as long as the chart is filled in by the end, it may result in 29 days of nobody doing any chores, then one day of three kids trying to vacuum the same rug four times each. Decree that they must be done by the end of the week, with the non-chore Sunday available for making up chores. This is better, and allows for days that are chock-full of activities, leaving little time for chores. At the end of Sunday, the number of chores left undone is the number of days in the following week with no phone or computer.
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Remind your kids about their chores. They really do forget. But your goal is for them to do their chores in a self-directed way--to check the chart on their own and do the work without being told. That's not going to happen overnight, so be patient. It can happen eventually, though, so don't lose sight of the goal.
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Help them out. Remember that kids aren't adults. They need extra help. They do not see the dirty clothes on the floor or the crumbs on the kitchen table. Point things out, patiently and firmly. Show them exactly what you want them to do. Don't do the work for them, but don't assume they see things as clearly as you do.
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Tips & Warnings
Don't be surprised if you have to point things out time and time again. Don't lose your patience. And don't let kids get away with less than they're capable of. Doing the work they can do, being treated like valued members of the family with something to contribute, and earning their own money, will make kids into good citizens and give them a sense of accomplishment and pride they can't get anywhere else.
