How to Give Feedback in a Relationship

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By coachniquenya
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Give Feedback in a Relationship

Let's face it. No relationship is completely perfect. Even though we all have our faults, there are ways to give feedback to your partner without causing a knock-down, drag-out argument or worse, a physical fight. Take heed to the following tips on how to give feedback in a relationship.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

An open mind
Good listening skills
Positivity
Willingness to change
Personal responsibility

Step 1

Chill out! Approach every conversation with a cool head.

So your partner has really ticked you off. Now what? Rather than air your differences in a manner that could bring further detriment to your relationship, take a moment to step back from the situation at hand. Giving yourself the time to calm down and reassess the situation with a cool head could mean the difference between an easily correctable issue and a major argument. Retreat to your separate corners until you can approach your partner in a less threatening tone and disposition. Even if your partner seems ready to address the matter, request a short timeout if you don't feel that you are capable of having a real conversation at that time.
Step 2

Place the emphasis on the action and how you felt by the action rather than on your partner.

Blaming and criticizing are unproductive actions within a relationship. This is why I prefer the term "constructive feedback". The best way to address an issue with your partner is to:

1)State the problem only in terms of how it affected you. You do this by placing the emphasis on the action and how you felt by the action rather than focus on your partner. It is also helpful to provide specific results from the action. For instance, you can say "when you didn't do the dishes last night, I felt really frustrated and unappreciated. I had to do them myself along with the laundry I was already doing which prevented me from getting my studying done."

2)Suggest an alternative to the original way the situation was handled. Again, it can be helpful to outline the results or benefits of the new action. "I would really appreciate if you could help out by doing the dishes on Monday nights as we agreed. That way we can enjoy having the house clean and I can still get my studying done so I am not as stressed out."

3)Wait for a response. If no response, you can prompt for an agreement by following up with, "Can we agree that you will do the dishes on Mondays as planned?"

4)Thank your partner for listening to your concerns and especially for any agreement that has been reached. Follow up the conversation with a simple sign of affection to show your appreciation. This could be a hug, a kiss, an "i love you" or your own special thing.
Step 3

Give respect by listening to your partner too.

Conversation is a two-way street. Give your partner an opportunity to respond to your concerns while you just listen. Show your partner respect by giving him/her your undivided attention, free from interruption. Actively listen until your partner returns the opportunity for you to respond.

Before you respond, summarize your partner's main points to demonstrate that you have both listened and understood. Ask questions to clarify meaning as needed. Acknowledge any emotions by naming them out loud. For instance, "It sounds like you were really worried about what I would think about that." The key emotion here was worry. Many arguments can be avoided if couples would just take the time to truly listen to one another.
Step 4

Compromise whenever possible to maintain the happiness in your relationship.

Be willing to give as well as receive. There are always three sides to every story: yours, your partner's and the truth. Keep in mind that your perception of the situation may not be the most accurate, and even if it is, the ideal goal is always to positively work things out in a way that is mutually agreeable to both you and your partner. To this end, consider ways you can compromise wherever possible. Sometimes it isn't so important to be right as much as it is to be happy together.