Things You'll Need:
- Tissues
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Step 1
In 1997, I was 19, attending college, living one state away from my hometown. Valentines Day had come and gone and my high-school sweetheart and I had picked out a ring. I finally was going to have an engagement ring. I had only been attending this college for about 6 weeks when my world was snagged out from under me. I learned that back home, my high-school sweetheart and his family had a carbon monoxide leak in their home and he was tragically killed. It's been 11 years since it happened now. I will never forget what happened that day, how I found out, when I found out, all the details of that time in my life. It was excruciating, but I survived. I have lived on without him, even though I didn't want to. Please read on and understand you are not alone if you have suffered this type of loss. Because its not common, there's not much material out there. Please know you have someone who understands this type of pain. Read on...
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Step 2
After the tragedy ensues, shock will set in. Expect to cry hysterically, scream, kick, punch, pray to die, expect to feel horrible ... for a while. When tragedy strikes, no one expects it, that's why its called TRAGEDY. But, time doesn't stop, it keeps going and going. Thank God because it is true that when time passes healing will ensue. You will get over this ... you will.
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Step 3
Expect to have to deal with people even though you don't want to. With a tragedy so close as this you will most likely be involved with the funeral process. Expect people you may not even know to want to offer their condolences to you by a hug or a handshake. Its proper and good manners to accept people's comments, even though you can't imagine how much longer you will have to be there. Spend time with your significant other's family. If you spent a length of time with each other over several months, even several years, the family will want to be around you for comfort as well. Check in on them regularly and remember, even though you planned your life with that person, realize their family are where they originated. Families grieve too, just in a different manner. Expect that everyone who shared the loss in this person will all grieve differently than you. Have a gentle spirit towards them and realize all of them probably feel just as desperate as you do.
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Step 4
Take at least a week off. Do not plan anything, don't do anything, take the immediate time following a tragedy to grieve. When it is time to start moving again and time to cycle back to "real life", take it slow. If you have a job, start back on shorter hours rather than full time. If you stay at home and fear of going out, don't go out as much. Its most important to keep moving along little by little. Do one thing at a time, moment by moment, even second by second if you have to. Don't forget to breathe! Talk to others, confide in a pastor or spiritual advisor, share your feelings with your family and friends, join a support group, find an online support group. Don't stop pressing forward, you will go on, just without them. Find your way. Set small goals for yourself and achieve them one by one. Soon time will pass and it will get better. Your goals will get bigger and bigger and one day you will feel alive again. Remember that tragedy strikes all over the world, every single day. You are not the only person on the face of this planet who is grieving, who is hurting, who is in pain. Recognize that those closest to you will give you the time you need to heal and one day it will come!
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Step 5
My advice is that you plan to experience grieving through a process. Once getting over the initial shock, anger and hate will ensue, then depression. All of these feelings are normal while grieving. Don't overwhelm yourself. Don't be surprised if little things set you off and ruin an entire week or entire day. The first year or two is the most difficult. Have faith in time. It will continue to pass, healing will come with it, I promise. Seek professional help if depression worsens or you have suicidal idealizations. One day, I promise, if you go little by little you will smile again. You may find love again, don't give up, don't stop living. Smile.
Comments
sthompson7370 said
on 11/14/2009 I FEEL FOR YOUR LOSE. BUT UNFRTINATLY ITS BEEN 5YR SINCE MY TYRONE HAS BEEN GONE; AND IT TAKES NO MORE THAN ATHOUGHT, A WORD, A SONG, A WALK OUY SIDE FOR ME TO RELIVE EVERY PART OF OUR RELATIONSHIP. AND I'M NOT FEELING ANY BETTER MENTALY, PHYSICALY, OR EMOTIONALY. THE ONLY THING I HAVE WORKED THROUGH IS MY RELATIONSHIP AND MY LOST BUT REFOUND FAITH IN MY GOD I AM A PEACE WITH THE FACT TYRONE IS NOW IN A BETTER PLACE. BUT I NEED HELP GETTING BACK TO THE ME BEFORE THE HE OR THE LOSE OF HE. NOT ONLY WAS HIS PASSING A TRAGETY MY SOUL HAS BEEN DEVASATED. PLEASE I NEED HELP !!!!
Triune said
on 4/10/2009 I've been fortunate enough to not have lost anyone close to me, but if I do, I will definitely refer to your article. I'm sure this will help many people. I admire you for taking your painful experience and making it in to something positive and healing for other people.
mommyhen42 said
on 4/4/2009 Very well written account of greif and recovery. Thank you for sharing how to cope with the death of a fiance"take care my friend
kmphillips73 said
on 3/25/2009 How amazing that you've taken a personal tragedy and turned it into a wonderfully, helpful article. I'm sure sharing your experience will help many others get through a similar situation. Thank you so much. 5*
sonni57 said
on 3/21/2009 This is a true tragedy maybe you've helped someone today who has also gone through a similar one.