Things You'll Need:
- Telephone
- Style
- Practice
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Step 1
Want to Be a Crank Yanker?
Face it, on the inside we all have a “Bart Simpson,” a “Special Ed,” or a “Niles Standish” who enjoys nothing more than picking up the phone to prank call a goofball from school, a co-worker that just doesn’t get it, a loathed teacher who hates their students, a gullible friend, or the pizza boy at the local pizzeria…and when your victim bites the worm, there are many gratifying; belly busting laughs. In order to execute the perfect prank call, follow these quick, easy steps to keep it short, hilarious, and above all, anonymous! -
Step 2
Practice! Ashton Kutcher doesn't just wing it and start filming without some sort of pre planned scheme, does he? The last thing you want to happen is to hear your victim say, “Hello?” and you have nothing prepared. Unless you’re Robin Williams or Jimmy Kimmel, your brain probably doesn’t fire off jokes like a souped up coke machine rockets out cans of heavenly beverages, so have your material worked out ahead of time, of course there is going to be a lot of impromptu dissing and joking cracks, but you must stick to a theme. This leads us to…
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Step 3
Make it worth your effort. If you’re going to prank someone with, “Is your refrigerator running?" or some other cliché nugget from the ancient world of Pee-Wee Herman, then save your time and energy; DON’T CALL. Jokes like these (or worse, knock-knock jokes) are just lame, and so predictable. Really step up to the plate here and mess with someone’s head. Not authority alerting or ambulance inducing panic, but just up to that point. Like this:
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Step 4
Know your enemy. See here, calling your elderly neighbor and leading them on is just mean, rude, and unnecessary. This is supposed to be fun for you, so make sure your target is healthy, somewhat mentally stable, and has a sense of humor (or risk being hunted down and gang beat). The last thing you want on your conscience is shocking or manipulating someone into a heart attack, fit of violence, or mental breakdown. At least, I HOPE that’s the last thing you want. All right, you’ve got your lines down and know them like the back of your hand, they are funny as hell, and you’re ready to dial your victim’s number. What could be next??
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Step 5
Use *67, dial “*67” before you call! Dialing this number codes your number as “private” in case your target has caller ID. You want to retain your anonymity at all times, otherwise the victim can call back and chew you a new one for messing with his head and wasting his time! Okay, the line’s ringing… it’s picked up… DON’T CHOKE!
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Step 6
Change your voice. You’ve gone through the trouble of making sure they don't recognize your number, so don’t deliver the prank with your natural voice. Yeah, you’re probably not Adam Sandler or Jimmy Kimmel, but chances are at some point, you’ve busted out some funny-sounding dialect to make someone else laugh. Even if it was (sigh) Borat or Napoleon Dynamite. So use that skill here to keep your prank legit as long as possible. They even sell toy voice modulators to change your voice into Darth Vader, but those are for noobies. You’re doing your thing now. Great! It’s comedy! Just be sure to follow these last minute hints…
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Step 7
Be quick. If the punch line of your prank takes more than a few seconds to get to, chances are you’re going to get hung up on. So get to the heart of the matter and be done with it. The quicker you are, the sooner you’re off the phone and getting a first-class hoot out of it yourself! And if the hoax was good enough to make you roar the first time around, hopefully you had the prudence to:
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Step 8
Record it! Who knows? Maybe you’re the next Jerky Boy or Saturday night crank yanker. You’ll be a master of underground prank call cassette tapes. Wait – no one listens to cassettes anymore, do they? Oh well. You can still amuse yourself endlessly! Just like Wanda Sykes.
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Step 9
Congratulations! You’ve pulled off a successful prank by being prepared, knowing your audience, and keeping it short and sweet, and using a little improv. Revel in your genius, toast yourself, and let your imagination run wild with thoughts of your nemesis cursing, blushing, stomping in place, ringing their heads, and all other manner of unrest thanks to your 51K M4D 5k!115. Bart Simpson salutes you, and Jimmy Kimmel wants you on his show.
