How to Survive Losing Your Job: A 12-Step Program for the Newly Unemployed

You never thought it would happen, but now you're a statistic. Being unemployed isn't pretty, but it's a fact. This tough-love 12-step program is guaranteed to help you survive, make the best of it, and prevail.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Patience
• Focus
• Daily Lists
• Buddy (optional)
• Faith ... wherever it comes from

1. ADMIT YOU'RE POWERLESS
   They did you wrong. You saw it coming. You didn't see it coming. You should have seen it coming. You could have done something. There was nothing you could have done. You may never know, and whatever, it's out of your hands. The only thing you can control is where you take it from here. This is hard to do. But it's your most important job now.

2. THEY DON'T WRITE, THEY DON'T CALL
   Those colleagues you shared coffee and confidences with, whose birthdays you celebrated and whose breakups you charted, who were so shaken and shocked when the news came down you were let go? They miss you, sure. But they've moved on. And it's nothing personal. Really. Truly. They're just in their own world, too busy managing their time, probably doing the work you used to do, and worried about their own jobs. You left. Life goes on. A little heartbreaking. Get over it.

3. EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED
   That great ex-boss who once said, "Anything you need, just ask," won't write you a recommendation because he'll be "inundated with requests." The coworker who insisted you keep in touch, murmuring, "Let me know if I can ever do anything for you," is curiously silent when you email about a quick lunch. But ... the soccer carpool mom you hardly know whips out her card, gives you three hot tips, and says to send your resume. And your rock-star cardio salsa teacher gives you a sweaty hug when you share your news and says please keep coming to class even if you have no $, because he will provide.
   Keep putting it out there, and treasure those surprises.

4. KEEP PUTTING IT OUT THERE
   The good news: Being out of a job no longer brands you the pariah or loser it once might have. So share with the class, and let people know you're looking for opportunities. Keep it a secret and you not only suffer in silence but pass up possible leads from real live people who may be happy to help. You never know.

5. NETWORK, NETWORK, NETWORK
   It's the people you know and connect with who'll truly keep you in mind -- not to mention grounded, moving, and out of the house. After the office, surrounded by people all day (even ones you don't much like), the echo chamber of your home can be stunningly disconcerting. So dig back and find your peeps. Resurrect the compadres you haven't had time to keep up with over the years. Chances are they're either hanging by their fingernails or out of work themselves. No matter. They're the best bets for solace, more contacts, and brainstorming.

6. COFFEE, NOT LUNCH
   Less cash outlay, more flexible times to meet, and wow, look around at all the others like you at their Starbucks home-away-from-home.

7. ASK FAVORS
   Be brave, and be specific. People actually like to be asked (even if they don't always follow through). Makes them feel empowered, and it can benefit them too - a LinkedIn recommendation for you, for example, gets their name out there as well. And tempting as it may be, avoid vague, open favors ("Can you help me?"). Try to get a specific response ("Do you know anyone at Acme, Inc., which has an opening I'd like to apply for?") even if you have to take no for an answer. And as for that no - come back with at least one alternative before letting it go.

8. FOLLOW UP
   Phone calls, not emails. There's no substitute for a human voice, even on voicemail. Emails may be less pushy, and nothing wrong with a reminder-ping, but emails get buried, shunted, filed, forgotten. So screw your courage to the sticking-place and pick up that phone.

9. FIND A TEAMMATE
   Partner with a fellow traveler to share to-do lists, keep each other on track, cheer each other on, and check in with - in person, by phone, or via email -- at least once a week. Buddy systems work.

10. DO YOUR HARDEST TASK EARLY IN THE DAY
    That scary phone call, that icky letter - do it when you've got the energy and have the day ahead. Anything else will seem easy afterward

11. TAKE YOUR STRENGTHS SERIOUSLY
    Think, think, think of what it is you've always done without effort and take for granted and are passionate about -- the stuff friends come to you for advice on -- and look at turning this into something income worthy. Whether it's organizing garages, cultivating gardens, making killer almond roca, selling stuff on eBay, you're probably better at it than most, and it's a service people just might pay for. Really.

12. JOIN LINKEDIN (AND NO, I DON'T WORK FOR THEM)
    Facebook for professionals, and it's free. Use it. Invest a little time to build your profile and contacts; even a modest network of 20 can reap dividends and open possibilities. As for Facebook, assume any potential employer will check you out on it, so clean up anything you don't want to share with the Man.

13. (IT'S A BAKERS DOZEN.) AND FINALLY, ONCE YOU FIND A JOB ...
    Keep networking and plugged in ... and assume it'll all be over tomorrow. Or the day after. It most likely will. And you'll be prepared.

Tips & Warnings

• Try to do something for someone else each day. (Sounds corny, but it's magic.) You'll be surprised at how much you have to offer. And how much better it can make you feel.
• You have every reason to feel discouraged; it's easy, easy easy. Resist. You'll know when you've hit the wall and need to go into figurative (or literal) prenatal position. Until that happens, keep healthy and strong as possible.

[ssincoff]

on 3/9/2009 A clever reminder that the only way to survive this ultimate "break-up" is to keep your morale up and stay out there.

[skotjohn]

on 3/4/2009 Helpful, informative, and well-written