How to End Bedtime Battles With Tweens
Are you struggling over bedtime with your school-age kids? Do your tweens use every trick to postpone hitting the sack? Do they harp and whine to stay up just a little bit longer? Do they wake up grouchy? If so, put the brakes on the go-to-bed, tug-of-war with the following creative bedtime battle-enders.
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Instructions
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Allow bedtime ingenuity. At age 8, my daughter went through a stage of preferring to sleep either on the floor of her closest or in a sleeping bag in the hallway. Not wanting to squelch her creative tendencies, I allowed it. Once she made her bed in the bathtub. For two weeks she climbed into those cozy quarters and eagerly read to her teddy bears. If you're hassling with the kids over bedtime, you might want to take a step back and pay attention to what they prefer. Observe their behaviors or ask them directly. "What change would excite you to going to bed on time?"
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Establish a routine. Even though my 8-year-old wasn't sleeping in her bed, I did try to keep her on her optimal bedtime schedule. For her to wake up with a smile and have time for breakfast she needed a full 8 or 9 hours of shut-eye. If she was over tired or stressed, she needed 10 full hours, which meant she needed to be in bed winding down by 9. Regular sleep helps kids function better. If they don't believe you, warn them that if Mom or Dad don't get 8 hours, they'll be very cranky.
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Allow the internal clocks to set the pace. Everybody's biological sleep clock is unique. Our internal clock lets us know when we're tired, when we need to rest and when to go to sleep. Kids need opportunities to learn about their own individual time clocks. They need to understand what it feels like to be tired enough to go to sleep. You may recognize long before they do that they're exhausted, however, they probably won't take your word for it. The older they get, the more they learn through experimentation. They'll demand the right to decide for themselves. You took the lead when they were babies and toddlers, but as they grow up there'll be plenty of trial and error. The amount of sleep kids need changes as they grow.
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Let them learn about the night. Eleven-year-old Scott told his parents, "I want to stay up in the dark." Which meant he wanted to stay up after 10 on a school night to find out what he felt like at school the next morning. He wanted to find out about life from a new perspective. Experiencing one's own body rhythm and the pain that comes with too little sleep can be productive. I've known kids who were allowed to stay up until they were so tired that they naturally went to bed without parents cajoling.
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Make a rule that the kids can experiment with by letting them stay up late on the weekend--as long as they aren't making noise or disturbing the family.
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Make sure they unwind before bedtime; unwinding is a bridge to sleep. Some kids are so busy with school during the week that they need to catch up on sleep during the weekend. Stressed and hurried kids have difficulty unwinding. Listening to a soft voice helps. Listening to a book on tape is soothing. Books on tape are better for unwinding at bedtime than TV or the computer. Check out books on tape from the library and listen in bed.
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Rearrange the room. Perhaps you've noticed that rearranging the bedroom and freshening up the sheets is conducive to a good night's sleep. When the room is cluttered and the bed is messy, even kids don't like that. Help them clean the bedroom up so that they feel cozy and comfy sleeping there.
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Set the alarm. If you allow the kids to designate their own bedtime, then it's up to them to handle waking up too. The privilege of setting sleep time goes with the responsibility of waking up on time. Waking up requires practice too. The kids will probably mess up a time or two, and that's OK. Remain friendly, "Did you stay up too late?" and then add, "You're learning about your body clock; it may need more sleep time."
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Be flexible, but reserve the right to change your mind. Explain that as long as they're cooperating, then they can be in charge, but if they get difficult, push too hard or are grouchy in the morning, you will change your mind and set a firm, non-negotiable bed time routine.
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