How to Deal With an Unpleasant Roommate

Sometimes, you don't figure out until after you've already chosen to live with someone that he's not who you thought he was. Dealing with an unpleasant roommate can be a consequence of finances or situations you have no control over, like living in a college dorm. If it's not too late, sit down with your roommate before you move in together and develop a plan of action to prevent disputes. If it is too late and you're already living with an unpleasant roommate, take action now to make the situation better.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Dry erase board
• Dry erase markers
• Calendar

1. Examine your list of expectations. Many of the things we find unpleasant in other people are most irritating because we are guilty of them ourselves. Before you decide that your roommate is unpleasant, take a look at yourself and honestly appraise whether you are doing the same things. This is also a good time to examine the reality of your expectations. Some people think a roommate is being unpleasant when he is simply operating without complete knowledge and information.

2. Make a list of your complaints. Once the list is complete, before ever addressing it with your roommate, look through it to see if there are things you can do to ease the stress of the situation. For example, if a roommate is simply Ia slob and leaves clothes all over the bathroom floor, perhaps the solution is a simple as adding a hamper to the bathroom.

3. Set up a time to sit down with your roommate and discuss the list. Be sure to choose a time when you are both relaxed and able to talk. It's also a good idea to suggest that your roommate enumerate the things about you that irritate him.

4. Come into the discussion with an open mind. Do not presume that your roommate is automatically wrong and you are automatically right, or vice versa. Make sure you are willing to compromise, and have legitimate and workable solutions you can suggest to solve the problems.

5. Write it down. If the issue is the sharing of chores, create a schedule and a checkoff list so you can both agree what is included in the chore description and when it needs to be done. If the issue is conflicting schedules, try to come up with times when either of you can have quiet time or listen to the stereo loudly.

Tips & Warnings

• The sooner you address issues that are creating tension with your roommate, the less stressful and more easily resolved the issues will be.
• Avoid being accusatory when you discuss issues with your roommate. As in any dispute resolution, the key is communicating your needs and your flexibility to meet his needs for a clean house, quiet study time or whatever else might be causing your conflict.