How to Communicate Effectively in a Conflict

Unfortunately, conflict is a part of life. Disagreements with spouses, family members, friends, co workers and neighbors, can leave behind a trail of tears and misunderstandings if there is no attempt by any party to learn how to communicate effectively in a conflict. Effective communication encourages good listening skills, positive perspectives, and a calm approach to solving arguments in a way that will please all involved.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Allow the other person to argue his point, and listen intently. Do not interrupt, and keep your cool. During a conflict, people often try to push buttons, so don't let it happen. Staying calm will show the other person that his negative words are not having an effect on you.

2. Show empathy and understanding for the other person's point of view; counteract his anger by initially agreeing with him. Tell the other person that you understand that you have upset him, and that you are willing to try to make the situation better.

3. Use "I feel" statements when communicating with the other person. Instead of saying something like "you never listen to me," say, "When we are having a conversation and you continue to watch television, I feel like you are not hearing me." This will allow the other person to drop his guard and not become defensive since he is not being directly accused, or blamed.

4. Speak with confidence. When you exude confidence in your words and mannerisms, you communicate effectively. Not only will you make your point in an argument, but you will also make the other person think twice about second-guessing your opinion.

5. Promote positive feelings and point out qualities that you admire about the other person. When you have nothing but good things to say, it is difficult for the other person to keep an argument going without listening to your side of the story.

6. Offer several solutions to the problem and allow the other person to offer input, as well. Be honest with your opinions and try to come to a mutual understanding, or agreement that will benefit you both. Communicate strict guidelines and make it clear who will be in charge of implementing the agreement and seeing it through.

7. Address the situation at a later date, after the conflict has been resolved. Showing an interest in the other person's feelings, and asking how she feels that the agreements that you both have made are working out, will be a positive step toward future effective communication.

Tips & Warnings

• If your relationship with the other person doesn't work out, you may want to take some time to do some soul searching before looking for another relationship. There are always two sides to every story, and in one way or another you may have exhibited behaviors that are not favorable in a relationship. Analyzing your past relationships and discovering how you can learn to better handle conflict can help you later on.
• Be clear about what you want, if the agreement that will appease the other person is not something that you feel that you can live with, be honest. It is better to be honest now and cut your losses, than to leave a promise unfulfilled and end up in another argument later. There are times when effective communication during an argument just will not work, especially if the other person has been drinking or using illegal drugs. In such cases it is better to just walk away and speak to the person at another time when they are able to think more clearly.

Resources

• Importance of effective communication
• Non-violent communication