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Step 1
Knowing another person is an honor. Never exploit someone’s vulnerability.
-There is nothing worse than going for your partner’s vulnerability when you are angry. This is ugly and will make you feel bad about yourself.
-Intimacy means sharing and sharing means secrets. When you share your innermost secrets and that trust is betrayed, nothing feels worse. -
Step 2
It is always okay to say how YOU feel. This is different than confrontation and battle.
-Saying how YOU feel is an honorable way to fight.
-When you attack the other person, you are destroying a relationship.
-Saying how you feel is very liberating. If your partner does not hear you, that is also an important message to you. -
Step 3
Never go for the jugular. Wounds are hard to heal.
-Some things are simply “no fly zones”, you just don’t go there. This is out of deep respect for the sacredness of human feelings.
-When you are trusted with another’s soft spots and wounds, to purposely use those trusted secrets as a weapon is really bad. -
Step 4
It is okay to see things differently. This is healthy and can be interesting.
-OK. I’m sure there some important things you need to see alike, but how different can someone be from you?
-Do you NEED someone to see it the same way you do? Is it okay to not like the same things?
-Even if you don’t agree, can you listen to the other person anyway? -
Step 5
You need to care more about feeling right than being right.
-Constant interrupting is the ego wanting to be right.
-Feeling right “feels” so good.
© 2009 by Chandra Alexander and Coaching for Authenticity, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Comments
DenaEBolton said
on 2/26/2009 Very good advice! 5*
VernBoggs said
on 2/26/2009 You covered all the bases> Thank you for the excellent points. Honor and respect is always great.