How to Help a Child Deal With Divorce

Going though a divorce can be tough on a parent but even tougher for a child. I was product of divorce and 1 out 5 kids today are having to deal with a divorce. I know when my parents divorce it was difficult for me. Imagine if your parents were going through a messy divorce. A child could be pulled from every direction and in the long run you hurt the child more than you hurt each other. Over the past few months I have watch my best friend go through a divorce and her kids are being so torn and are starting to act out in the wrong way. So I realized my parents divorce was a piece of cake compared to what the kids are going through. So I wanted to share what to do to make it easier on the kids.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Love
• Understanding

1. Sit the child down and explain to them that mama or daddy want be staying there anymore together. Let them know it was nothing they did. Let them know that both of you will be always be there for them and you both love them. I know when my paints got a divorce I felt like it was my fault that maybe I did something wrong. I know now it was not my fault but they never set down and explained it to me.

2. Now it you are going through a messy divorce you sling mud at each other allot{Hurtful words}.Please never do it in from of the kids. They are already confused enough. When you are calling each other names in front of the kids it hurts the kids not you.

3. Never put down the other in front of the child. Your spouse made have made allot of mistakes and maybe not the best father or mother they could have been but the child loves you both very much. You make them feel you that they have to choose side's and that's not the case but they don't know any better.

4. If you decide to date and let your new girl or man into your life and your kids life that is fine. What is not fine is rubbing the other parents nose into it every chance you get. For example Dan brought the kids a swing set for Christmas and all you got them was a few cars or movies. Also let the kids know they can't do it either. You make the other parent feel very low. It does not set a good example for the kids either.

5. If you have a child that is right around 2 he or she is learning to talk pretty good and repeats every word you say. Please don't teach the new person in your life's name and teach them to say it every 5 minutes. Come on parents we are not in kindergarden anymore. It is cute at first but after awhile it gets darn right annoying.Make's the other parent feel like you are trying to replaced them in their child life to.It makes the child feel like they have to like the new person and not their other parent.

6. Please let your oldest child know just because mommy or daddy is not around that don't mean they have to feel in for the other parent absence. They don't need more pressure on them.

7. Thearpy for the whole family made help the child to. Therapist can help the transition for the child go smoother. It would also help the child to know they can speak with someone that is objective and not pulling them in both directions.

Tips & Warnings

• Remember you are hurting nobody but the child when your divorce becomes so messy that you turn your child's world upside down by making them feel like thay have to choose one parent and not the other.
• I'm not an expert but I have seen everything I have mention done to my friends kids and they are so torn its so awful for them. I feel for them everyday.

[GreenMomma]

on 3/21/2009 as a child of divorce, I can tell you, this is GREAT advice!

[3-Point]

on 2/27/2009 Thanks so much for this article. A child is always the real victim in a divorce or separation. It's so sad that BOTH parents are so self-centered and selfish that they cannot place the child's interests first.