How to Help Your Spouse Through a Layoff

If your spouse has been laid off, it can be very troubling for him or her. What can be even harder is for your spouse to be waiting for a job to come in while you continue with your active working life. Even though most of us don't love our jobs, when we lose them we can feel helpless and useless. So it's important to support your spouse through this difficult time, while making sure you stay sane too. Here are some tips to be supportive of your spouse while he or she is out of work.

Difficulty:

Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Be supportive. Everyone reacts differently to losing a job. Your spouse may have been fired due to poor performance, or like most Americans lately, he/she did a great job, but the company had to downsize. There will be some emotions associated with the layoff--but not everyone wants to discuss it. If your spouse doesn't want to talk, don't force it. Let your spouse know that you're on his/her side, and you will help however you can. Some spouses want too much help though, so you'll need to set boundaries ahead to let him/her know that you're here, but you can only do so much.

2. 

   Express your needs. While your spouse may clam up, let him/her know that it's OK if they don't want to talk, but do say what you need. If you expect them to pick up around the house more, ask that your spouse do that. This can be especially difficult if you work from home and are used to having minimal distractions. Think about what you need from your spouse, whether it's taking over laundry duty, handling the kids' transportation or simply giving you more time to yourself. Do you want to spend more time with your spouse? Let him/her know that. Some spouses may need rules, depending on whether or not they tend to get lazy or complain about the situation a lot. Put everything you need on the table in a loving way and work on compromises.

3. Determine your spouse's needs. The best way to do this is to ask, "What do you need from me?" Men have a tendency to not want to be reminded of things repeatedly. Women may want their spouses to ensure time is spent with children even though they serve as primary caretaker. It's important to state your needs and gently ask your partner how you can make this easy on the both of you.

4. 

   Go over your finances together. Express to your spouse that you will need to go over finances, since a layoff can minimize income. This is a smart idea because you'll need to work together to get through the hard times--and by asking nicely and showing your spouse that this will benefit him/her, too--you can feel more secure.

5. Remember, it's only temporary. Most spouses will return to work not only for their own well-being, but because they know you probably rely on their income or benefits. Surviving a layoff can be tough, but hard times are only temporary. The best thing you can do in this situation is be gentle with your partner and act like a partner, giving support at the same time.

Tips & Warnings

• Try to pick and choose your battles. If you're in an argument over something important, try to resolve it. If you notice you're starting to argue over something trivial, remind your spouse that you love him/her and don't want to cause problems.

• Need to vent? Talk to a friend and decide what you need to or want to air out in front of your partner. Sometimes a good venting session helps you get out your frustrations.