Things You'll Need:
- keyboard
- computer
- redbull
- xbox live headset (for enhanced trash talk)
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Step 1
Never miss an opportunity to trash talk an opponent. You just may put him "on tilt" and cause him to make mistakes, therefore leading to glorious online victory for you. Also, when in doubt, type in CAPS. You cannot lose a verbal battle if you type in CAPS or yell louder than your opponent.
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Step 2
To be a successful online trash talker, you must understand l337, (leet) speak. You may have seen phrases such as pwnage, ftw, leetzor, pew pew etc and had no idea what is going on. Don't worry, within 5 minutes you will be able to unleash ung0dly online verbal attacks on your opponents.
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Step 3
First things first. Call them a noob. Don't just say noob, because this would in fact render you a noob. You must change the spelling and characters of noob each time you say it. Therefore, call them a n00b, wait, then call them a noobzor, wait then call them a nubbin. You get the idea. For dramatic effect please save your insults until the opponent makes a mistake. Therefore, if an opponent falls off of a cliff, wait until they die and then LOL and call them a UBER N00BZ.
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Step 4
Pwn. Anytime you beat an opponent in a situation where they should have won, you have PWNED them. For instance, if your opponent has a rocket launcher and you are out of ammo and melee him to death, you have PWNED him. This is an example of Pwnage. Pwn is derived from own and most likely became a popular saying in the Counter Strike community.
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Step 5
Fail. When an opponent is about to win or get an advantage and he makes a mistake, you can scream FAIL. This will highlight his failure and make him feel like a noob. If your opponent does something ridiculously unthinkable, such as that he is about to cap and drops the flag and commits suicide by accident, this would be an example of EPIC failure. You can now LOL and type EPIC FAIL, congratulations you are winning the verbal war and if you keep going he may just quit the server and forfeit.
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Step 6
pew pew. Sarcastically mimicking the sound of a lazer beam, after you kill an opponent you can type "pew pew." If you killed him in one shot... even better. He will feel like a noob.
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Step 7
Talk More? At this point your opponent may start to trash talk back because he is a noob and cannot handle the verbal assault you are laying on him. A great strategy is to simply ask, Talk More? You state your superiority and show him that you dont care what he says, he is an Uber noob.
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Step 8
BOOM HEADSHOT. As FPS Doug would say, BOOM HEADSHOT. After you headshot your opponent... say or scream this multiple times.
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Step 9
TeaBag. This is more of a form of physical (in game of course) trash talk. When an opponent dies and his body is laying on the ground, move over his head and crouch up and down. This will give the appearance that you are teabagging him. Now would also be a good time to LOL at him and tell him you took a screenshot and will post it on the forums for all the other people to LOL at his UBER noobness.
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Step 10
At this point he will probably claim WTF LAG and quit. This is fine. You have now mastered the art of online trash talk. Feel Proud PWNER.
