How to Communicate Assertively

Authentic assertive communication can revolutionize your relationships at work, home, or anywhere else. These are steps to take to master assertive communication. Prevent conflict with others by communicating effectively.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• You
• Someone Else

1. Gain control of your emotions. Anger causes you to temporarily lose rational thought. Fear will cause you to avoid tough situations. Try counting to 10 when you are getting frustrated or angry. If that doesn't work count to 100. Understand that you can not control others, and trying to do so will only make you angry. Don't let others get you angry. When they do so, they control you.

2. Use good body language. Stand or sit up straight, make good eye contact, have an appropriate affect. In other words, make your face say the same message that your words are communicating. Do not speak sarcastically, as this is usually a form of aggression.

3. 
   Photographers: Sean.fletcher and IsabelReichert

   Lean to use "I" statement. For example, "I noticed that we are late on paying the mortgage," instead of, "You didn't pay that mortgage again you stupid idiot. You screwed us!" In other words use statements that mention "I" more than "You" avoiding blame and allowing for the other person to save face. Also, "I" statements are usually not debatable. No one can argue about what "I" see, heard, think, feel, want, etc. But when we say "You" we are accusing and/or judging.

4. Choose an appropriate time to talk. Don't talk when you are angry or the person you are talking to doesn't have time. Choose a time by using an "I" statement: "I am concerned about something, and I would like to talk to you when you get a chance. When is a good time for you?"

5. 

   If the above steps do not work, let go. You have successfully tried assertive communication. It you are able to lead the other person to communicate assertively in response, then you will most likely resolve any issues. If, however, the other person is passive or aggressive, then you may need to let go. Remember the beautiful thing about assertiveness is placing responsibility where it belongs. Do what you can to communicate well, make a decision, and give the other person responsibility for themselves.

Tips & Warnings

• Remember, none of us are perfect, so start small and work your way to larger issues.
• Try role-playing with a friend. You will both improve assertive communication.
• Stay respectful at all times, even when defending yourself.
• Be willing to teach others what you have learned at appropriate times.
• Don't be surprised if you surprise someone when you try this the first time.
• Assertiveness will not make people do what you want them to every time, but it will make it more likely for you to get what you want out of life.

Resources

• Assertive Communication - - How To Speak Up Appropriately
• Conflict Management And Resolution Strategies
• Compromise and Collaboration
• Effective Communication Using Assertive "I" Statements