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Step 1
Seat two "announcers" on one side of the stage. These players will be called upon to be verbally inventive (and may optionally do impressions).
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Step 2
Have two "athletes" stand side by side on the other side of the stage. These players should move well and have a gift for physical comedy. They do not speak during the game.
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Step 3
Get the audience to suggest a mundane activity. You can prompt someone by asking what she did at work today or what household chore he dislikes.
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Step 4
As the athletes stretch and limber up for a few seconds, the announcers welcome the audience to an exciting competition between the world's two greatest practitioners of the thrilling sport of ________ (the mundane activity suggested by the audience).
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Step 5
The athletes begin pantomiming the activity, each one trying to outdo the other. Their actions should start out realistic but quickly increase in intensity.
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Step 6
The announcers comment on the action in typical sportscaster fashion, trying to make it sound more exciting than it actually is. They should not merely describe what the audience can see for itself, but add "color commentary," such as phony statistics, the history of the "sport," or biographical information on the athletes.
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Step 7
Before long the athletes begin cheating in a way that is appropriate to the activity, and it quickly escalates to ridiculous heights. (For instance, if the setting is an ironing competition, Athlete 1 puts one of his shirts into Athlete 2's basket. Athlete 2 then sprays Athlete 1 with starch. Athlete 1 begins choking Athlete 2 with the cord of his iron and Athlete 2 hits Athlete 1 with his ironing board....)
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Step 8
At any time during the event, one of the announcers may call a "freeze frame," at which point the athletes must hold while announcers talk about something in the frozen frame.
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Step 9
The announcers can also call "rewind," which means the athletes must repeat their most recent actions in reverse.
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Step 10
If the announcers call for a slow-motion replay or "slo-mo", the athletes must repeat recent actions in slow motion. The comedy level can be increased by adding actions or expressions that were "missed" at regular viewing speed.
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Step 11
The announcers call the end of the event when one of the athletes has won (or they may call a draw if both athletes have incapacitated each other). If the game is going on too long, both may be disqualified for unsportsmanlike conduct, or the announcers can simply say something like, "Looks like this could go on all night. Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion!"
