How to Cope With Step-Parenting

Being a parent is difficult. But being a step-parent can be the toughest, most thankless job you will ever have. Although you believe you have found your second chance at love with your new spouse, you may soon find that the honeymoon is over more quickly than you expect once your role of parenting kicks in. Some cope more easily than others with the complications that arise. The good news is that everyone can find a way to cope with step-parenting; you simply need to find a method to fit your situation.

Instructions

1. Communicate. Sit down and discuss your fears and expectations with your mate from day one. If you notice their child seems to have a problem with you as an authoritative figure in their life, discuss what can be done by your mate to remedy the situation. Be sure you have their full support going into the situation so the child knows what their boundaries are from the start.

2. Accept the ex. For some, the hardest aspect of step-parenting is the constant involvement of the ex. You need to accept the fact that your mate will need to communicate reasonably with their previous spouse for the sake of the child. You will also have many times when you may come in contact during visitations. Displaying any signs of jealousy or dislike, regardless of what kind of person they may be, will increase the possibility that the child will resent you.

3. Prove yourself. You might feel as though a relationship with you will benefit the child greatly. The child, on the other hand, may see you as their mortal enemy, someone who stood in the way of a reconciliation between their parents. What it comes down to is that you will have to prove yourself to them. Smile even when they give you the eye. Tell them good night consistently. Each morning, offer them a dollar or two for a treat at school. Over time, they will see you are not evil.

4. Think like them. Before you believe in your heart that they hate you, stop and think what might be going through their minds. Kids have a tendency to hold a lot of personal information inside, where it feels safe. If you take even five minutes to think about what they have been through and how it has made them feel, you might just realize it's not you they hate; they hate that they lost the security of the only family they knew before.

5. Talk to them. After some time has passed, take a few minutes and tell them how you feel. You don't need to get too emotional, just explain that you hope one day they can accept you in their life and that you want to be friends. Also explain that you realize how hard the change has been on them, and let them know that if there is anything you can do to help, all they have to do is ask.