How to Avoid Lending Money

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

a backbone

Step 1

We love and care about our friends, don't we? And they are mostly broke. Our friends are broke, our neighbors are broke, the guy down the street who rides a bike and collects cans at the gas station is broke, everyone is broke. It's not our fault but we live in the world, we care, and we have some money.

We have kids who need to go to college eventually, we have no crystal ball so we don't know what horrible hole we may fall into, our parents are dead and we already have their money, so we can't depend on them any more. Plus of course we want to redo the house.

When needy friends ask for money it's painful for them, and we want to give it.

There are rules, however. The first rule is: when you give money, even if you have a notarized contract signed in blood, forget the money. Retrieving moeny from an unwilling borrower means going to court, with no guarantees. This is severely unpleasant and sucks time out of your life. Never give money you expect to get back, unless the money is more important than the friend. And the money is never more important than the friend.
Step 2

Friends are not the only people who ask for money. Mere acquaintances ask for money. Desperate people who suspect you have money will target you and ask for it, and if you are a person of conscience you'll be in agony. Will they be evicted if you don't 'lend' it to them? Will they starve in the snow?

No, they won't. That is the truth. If they actually do fall into the snow and freeze to death, it's not because they don't have money. It's because they got drunk and fell asleep 3 feet from their front door. That is not your fault.

People who are evicted in the winter can go to a 'cold weather' shelter. Some people are mentally ill and incapable of finding the appropriate social service interventions. In that case you might need to make phone calls and help with a ride here and there. But you do not need to give money.

You need to develop a mental radar for people who have targeted you. If they were not your best friends in high school, if they are not a close relative, if they are healthy and not mentally ill, stay detached. If they want to date you, have been recently divorced, been fired, got busted, dropped out of AA, don't give money. Stay strong. You don't need to say yes.
Step 3

You can say no by telling people you don't have the money. The truth is that no one knows what you may or may not have. If you live in a 20,000 square foot house, it may be mortgaged to the hilt and unless people have access to your personal account information, they don't know. And you can not afford to feel guilty about what they do or do not know.
Step 4

Some clever broke and desperate people will come to your home and do work for you that you did not request, such as cleaning out your garage, and then ask you to pay. This is not a loan; it's a form of extortion. Still, if the work has been done, you need to pay.

However, you can offer the person a warning. It's best to explain that you will pay this time, because the work has been done, but that you won't pay next time.

Comments

jmate said

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on 2/16/2009 Nice article, but with one disagreement-- if someone cleans your garage without asking and then demands money they are TRESSPASSING. Buy a shotgun. If you pay them once, they will bring friends next time and ask for more.