Things You'll Need:
- A Smile
- Practice
- Observation
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Step 1
Make sure you are approachable! If you are standing with your arms crossed and a ugly grimace upon your face you will not even have a chance to build rapport because no one will approach you unless they have to--and if they do, they have likely already made a decision about you.
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Step 2
When you make eye contact with a person, wait a second and then give them a big, warm, open lipped smile. The concept behind waiting is you are letting this person know that you do not smile constantly, but rather you are smiling at them personally.
Hold the eye contact (this does not apply in some countries where prolonged eye contact is considered rude; research is key). -
Step 3
If they have not initiated the conversation, do it for them. Remember to maintain a pleasant tone. For men, I suggest speaking at a moderate speed, while subtly adding a smooth, low pitch. Women: moderate speed, using a delicately emphasized medium-high pitch.
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Step 4
Here is a sad truth: no one cares much of what you have to say. The idea is to keep them talking, and with some clever linguistic prestidigitation, we can have them saying "It feels so easy to talk to you..."
Let's discuss how to achieve this: -
Step 5
Listen actively to what a person says to you. Try to pick up on some subtleties here, as well as some of their common phrases (see step 6). As they speak to you, make sure to keep your eyes on them (you can look away occasionally, DO NOT appear to be creepy) and nod your head about 3 times from time to time, so as to say "Yes, I'm listening and I agree."
Now analyze what you've heard them say, and ask an interesting and relevant question to keep them talking about themselves. KEYWORD: Interesting -
Step 6
In Step 5, I asked to pick out a few common idiosyncrasies of their speech; "totally," "awesome," "that's mad cool," "I feel ya." Throw the phrases they use right back at them.
This is a great rapport technique; think about your friends and some of the vernacular that is exclusive to your clique. You and your friends developed that over years of bonding, and by using the language that is congruous to a person that you are trying to befriend, you give them a sense of "we've known each other forever!" -
Step 7
Read up on some body language, and how it can subconsciously affect a person's mental image of you. Below I have listed a link to a website that can get you started, and a link to a book that is absolutely fantastic.
And on a closing note, many body language experts agree that subtly mimicking peer's body language can build rapport by making them think "Gee, (s)he is like me!"
Comments
WordWhizKid said
on 2/24/2009 What great advice, the "between the lines" stuff is where so much happens in life! And the creepy warning is funny lol. 5*s!
AmyRose said
on 2/20/2009 A great overview, and I especially liked the part about 'not smiling constantly' and making the smile sincere and directed towards the person. 5*
ThenAgainMaybe said
on 2/19/2009 Very much common knowledge stuff that isn't so common, ya know? Nice pointers. It's money. RRRC
ThenAgainMaybe said
on 2/19/2009 Very much common knowledge stuff that isn't so common, ya know? Nice pointers. It's money. RRRC
justanamateur said
on 2/18/2009 Absolutely right on. You're very insightful even if you use super long words that most of your readers probably don't know (hint, hint). And you're funny which makes the reading of advice that much easier. Thumbs Up!