How to Stop Gossiping People

We all know them - those people who like to start their own telephone hot line and burn up the wires talking about anyone and everyone. Of one thing you can be absolutely certain, if this person calls you and talks about everyone else, then they are also talking about you to other people.

It's all well and good to know that you are dealing with a gossip, or to find out they have said things about you, but how do you put a stop to the vicious, nasty rumors?

Things You'll Need

• Tons of nerve
• Unbiased third party

Instructions

1. Discover the source of the gossip. When you finally discover that there is a rumor being spread about you, your first reaction may be anger. However, it is far better to ask the person reporting the news where they heard it and to track the rumor back to its source.

2. Calm down. Yes, you are going to have to face the gossip, but you need to first calm down. Since our first reaction to unfair accusations or people talking about us is to go into self defense mode, it is important to take a step back and gather our thoughts before acting.

3. Write out your thoughts and what you'd like to say. Sometimes it is best to write your thoughts down on paper. First, you don't want to forget any important points. Second, the notes will keep you focused on the issue and prevent you from going into personal attacks that throw in everything the other person has ever done and their every flaw, including their dirty kitchen sink.

4. Find an unbiased third party to go along when you confront the gossip. Since you are dealing with a person who either spreads untruths or at the very minimum tells tales where she or he shouldn't, it is going to be important that you have a witness to the conversation you'll be having with this person. However, don't take your own best friend, who is obviously biased. Instead, choose a mutual friend, your pastor, or another person who is able to separate their personal feelings from the situation occurring between you and the gossip.

5. Confront the gossip. Go to the gossip and explain what you've been told that they said. Give the gossip a chance to respond. Some of the information may be misunderstood.

6. Ask for a resolution. Specifically say, "How can we resolve this situation so that it doesn't happen again?" Allow her to come up with some ideas. Often, just being confronted with the gossip will make the person more aware and she'll stop.

Tips & Warnings

• Remember to remain calm and not resort to personal attacks. Your goal is to help this person learn from her mistake of gossiping, not to destroy her. Okay, you may secretly wish you could destroy her lying, mean mouth, but in reality you have to be nice. Sorry, you don't want to resort to the same level.

• There is a high probability that the gossip will simply deny she did anything wrong or explain it away. She may even attack you on a personal level. The worst thing you can do is to react back. Remain calm. Tell her that you don't agree with what she is saying and stand your ground. Ask that she stop talking about you with others and bring issues directly to you in future, even if she continues to deny talking about you.