Things You'll Need:
- Empathy
- Understanding
- Patience
- A sense of humor
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Step 1
Be empathetic. Ask yourself: If this were me, how would I want to be treated? Would you rather be treated with love, patience, and understanding, or impatience and belittlement? Your loved one is still your loved one, and they have the right to be treated with as much respect as they ever were, despite their diminishing capacity.
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Step 2
Be patient. Be aware that your loved one is easily confused at this point, and may not understand what you want from them. Be willing to try several different methods of getting the person to understand what you want or need from them. If verbal communication isn't working, try gestures or miming the action. NEVER attempt to physically FORCE the person to do what you want. A gentle tug on the arm to indicate that you want them to walk is one thing, dragging them is entirely unacceptable and is a form of abuse. Be willing to take as long as needed to get the desired result by communication and persuasion.
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Step 3
Be understanding. This is perhaps the most important step. Understand that if your loved one believes that it is 1938 and are looking for their mother, who is in reality long dead, you cannot change their view of reality just by telling them they are wrong. Telling them "Your mother is dead!" will only cause them unbelievable upset. Never try to change the reality of an Alzheimer's patient. YOU go to THEIR reality to sooth and comfort them. If they are looking for their mother, simply say that she's not here right now. Also, Alzheimer's sufferers often will repeat the same statement or question endlessly, even though you have answered them. They simply forget that they've already said that. Learn to answer them as though it is the first time they've spoken, no matter how many times it has been. This can be very taxing, but never point out their behavior to them. Don't lose patience.
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Step 4
Learn the art of redirection. This means to direct their attention away from a troubling behavior to something else. Ask them to sing a song with you, or take a walk with you, or help you fold laundry. An Alzheimer's patient is, sadly, easily distracted, and redirection will save you both a lot of grief.
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Step 5
Have a sense of humor. This may seem like an impossible, if not terrible request, but often our choices in life are to be angry about it or laugh it off. Anything you can laugh off will be good for both of you. As an example, I was once walking my Alzheimer's affected mother to my car. It was summer, and she was wearing sandals with socks. A sprinkler had formed a puddle on the sidewalk, and I told mom, "Now don't step in the puddle, you'll get your socks wet." Mom was mentally about six years old at this time. So what did she do? She deliberately stepped into the puddle, laughed, and cried out "It's cold!" I could have been angry that she had gotten her socks wet, or that she'd done exactly what I told her not to, but her laughter was contagious and her surprise at the puddle's temperature so genuine, I couldn't help laughing with her. It was 75 degrees out and she wasn't going to catch pneumonia from a wet sock.
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Step 6
Learn what really matters. What really matters is that this is still your loved one, though a terrible thing has befallen them. They are still human. They still deserve respect, love, and the most positive experiences they can have within the confines of their disease.
