How to Positively Co-Parent Children With Ex-Spouse and Stepparent
Children of divorced parents often experience the stress of living in two places with either parent some of the time along with the pressures of trying to adjust to step-parents and possibly step-siblings. This does not always have to be a daunting time. When the adults involved work together, the children's lives will be much easier.
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Instructions
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Resolve to make it work to improve the chances that the plan will succeed. Acknowledge from the beginning that there may be details to work out, but that a consensus will be reached in a civil manner. Everyone should agree that failure to come to a satisfactory conclusion will not be an option.
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Communicate. Talking to ex-spouses may be difficult at times, but must be done even if everyone has to agree that the only subjects discussed will be those concerning the children. If possible, go out to eat together, new spouses included. Sometimes decisions can be more easily reached when everyone is relaxed in an informal setting.
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Compromise. Couples who have divorced will often say that one of the reasons why their marriage failed was the other person's refusal to see anyone's point of view but their own. Compromise may be hard in the beginning, but when both sides give a little and peace ensues, then each time a dilemma arises, the solution will be worked out more easily.
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Set an example. This is one of the main benefits of working together for the good of the children. The adults are able to prove that they can come together, plan and coordinate, compromise, and settle on the best possible way for the children to thrive. The children will see their parents in a new light, one that is positive and encouraging.
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Remember who this is for. This is not about Mom and Dad and their personal issues. This is about the happiness and well-being of the children. Don't dwell on the negatives about each other. Don't try to make the children take sides or try to win their affections by being the more lenient parent or getting them more material things. Let the kids see that even though you may not be partners in marriage, you remain committed to partnering in parenthood. A united front is the best for everyone involved.
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