How to Drink Too Much Coffee

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By jamestownpunk
User-Submitted Article

Article Rating: (4 Ratings)

Coffee Beans: Not for snorting

Coffee addiction is both loved and hated, much like politicians and lawyers.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Step 1

Coffee Grinder: Not for fingers

Buy ground or whole bean coffee at the grocery store. Bring coffee home and make it into a delicious beverage. Add cream and sugar according to preferred user's taste. Drink the coffee in the morning. Drink the coffee in the afternoon. Drink the coffee in the evening. Brew more coffee as needed.
Step 2

Wall of Famed Mugs

Buy coffee at espresso bars or coffee shops. Drink coffee at the shop or bring coffee to new location and drink it there instead. Sit and pretend to read the paper with a cup of java, although we all know you are actually people-watching (probably have a secret crush on that cute college age barista). Do this daily, become a regular until the barista refers to you as your favorite drink when she's complaining to her coworkers about how it freaks her out that you stare at her all morning while pretending to read the newspaper.
Step 3

Order coffee with your meal at restaurants. Drink coffee. Ask your server for frequent refills. Tell server you will tip proportionate to number of times coffee cup is refilled. Follow through with this promise.
Step 4

Travel Mug: Not spill proof

Take coffee everywhere in a travel mug. Then you can drink it wherever you are. Fill the mug before you leave your house. Refill the mug at every gas station.

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