How to Become A Mother Through Donor Insemination

Choosing to become a single mother through donor insemination is a big decision. Selecting a donor is a little like internet dating with a lifetime commitment possible without even meeting...

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Determination
• Support
• A Fertility Doctor
• A Cryobank
• Imagination
• A Sense of Humor

1. Search Your Soul: I always wanted to be a Mom. At 37, after ending a marriage I knew that I didn't want to rush into a relationship but I was sure I wanted to have a baby. After a lot of reflecting, I decided to become a single mother by choice through donor insemination. I gathered the support of my family and friends. My feelings were a mix of excitement, fear, and small dose of sorrow over not having a partner to share the journey of parenthood with, but I was ready.

2. Consult with an ob/gyn and fertility specialist: I made an appointment to see my ob/gyn. He referred me to a fertility specialist who ran a battery of tests to confirm that I had a good chance of conceiving. I did. After completing the paperwork, which included a clearance from a mental health provider that I was of sound mind and understood the challenges and joys of becoming a parent and raising a child alone, I was ready to begin.

3. Identifying the Donor: What would it be like to carry the child of a man I had never met? How should I choose the person who would be the biological Father of my child? The donor sperm coordinator at my doctor's office referred me to two Cryobank's. One near my home, the other in California. I chose the facility in California and began by reviewing brief profiles of the prospects. At the time "open" sperm donors were not common (unless someone you knew was willing to supply the goods.) Looking for the donor was a little like internet dating. There was basic information about physical attributes, ethnicity, education including fields of study, and blood type.

4. Establish a Criteria: I decided to look for a donor who had the same blood type as my own to minimize certain risks- that was the practical part of me. Then I thought about the types of men I am usually attracted to- tall, waspy, men. I then narrowed the field and selected a couple of donors that met my basic criteria and ordered their complete profiles. These more detailed profiles contained all sorts of information about the donor's medical history, family, and interests. They were done in an essay format that allowed for the donor's personality to come through.

5. Making Your Selection: I selected a donor who shared my love of music and wrote with pragmatism about his life and family. I chose someone I would want to have in my life and whose child I would feel warmly about bringing into the world. It was important to me that I felt some sort of bond or kinship with the person who was giving me the most amazing and beautiful gift I have ever received.

6. Ordering the Sperm: After selecting the donor, I completed an order form and selected the number of samples I wanted to purchase. The cost included a nitrogen tank to keep the samples frozen while they were shipped to my doctor's office, where the were stored.

7. 
    
   My Beautiful Son

   Getting Pregnant: I began charting my cycles and using the ovulation predictors available in the drugstore. When the timing was right, I visited my doctor for an intrauterine insemination (iui). The first time was not successful, but I was lucky. The second time I tried, I conceived and following a relatively easy and healthy pregnancy, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy!

Tips & Warnings

• Becoming a single parent isn't for everyone, but I believe if you want it badly enough you know in your heart whether you have the courage to embark on the amazing journey of being a single parent. Adoption is of course an option, but if you have longed to carry and give birth to a child, donor insemination or in vitro fertilization are excellent choices.
• If you are healthy and able to conceive through iui the cost of becoming pregnant is relatively small compared to adopting or in vitro and some insurance companies will cover part of the expenses.
• Once you become pregnant, most insurance companies will cover your pregnancy related health care in the same way they do for pregnancies that are achieved through the more traditional methods.
• The book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Wenchler is a great resource for beginning to understand the mysterious ways our bodies procreate- it is a great starting point while you are thinking things through.
• Don't expect immediate results. I was lucky to conceive quickly and easily.
• Remember every body is different and sometimes it takes numerous attempts to get pregnant.
• It is a good idea to choose a back up donor and not be too attached to the first one you choose. Sometimes women have better luck with a different donor.
• While I think it is a good idea to choose someone you can imagine you'd like or might fall in love with, the emphasis is on imagine. Most donors prefer to keep their identity confidential. Although your child will have the right (based on current practices) to request through the cryobank contact with their donor after they turn 18, the biological Mother signs a release waiving the right to do so, unless you select an "open" donor which is more common now than it was several years ago.
• Remember this is a journey and enjoy it. The end goal is to become a Mother. It is the toughest job you'll ever love- and the most gratifying but remember who YOU are. Your baby deserves a happy and balanced parent.