How to Improperly Recover from a Half Marathon

If you've had a tough race due to poor preparation, it is likely that you will need some time to recover before your next race. Here is the worst way possible to recover.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Blisters
• Alcohol
• Lack of Sleep
• Junk food
• Sofa
• Television

1. Probably low blood sugar will cause your fingers to be clumsy, so start by stabbing yourself as you unpin the race bib.

2. Next, go home and drink alcohol and watch TV or movies all day. You deserve to relax and be lazy, cause you just ran a half marathon! Do not stretch, do not go for a walk, do not drink water. Repeat this step for several days if possible.

3. Eat some chips, cookies, or doughnuts. After all, you just ran a half marathon! Congratulate yourself with sweet treats. Repeat this step whenever convenient for the next few days.

4. Do not stretch, engage in cross-training, or participate in exercise of any type for at least a week after your race. The longer the period of inactivity following race day, the longer it will take you to recover.

Tips & Warnings

• TIP: More junk food, alcohol, and couch potatoing is always better.
• TIP: Moderation is not tolerated.
• TIP: Adding nicotine products to your daily habits may help improper recovery.
• WARNING: Following these instructions may cause discomfort and physical or mental pain in some individuals. E-how users of these directions should consult their physician before beginning this process.
• WARNING: Overeating, dehydration, and immobility are key to improperly recovering from your race. Neglecting these components may provide atypical results.

[aliasmindflow]

on 3/2/2009 I tried this without running a race.