How to Deal With Toxic People At Work
Dealing with toxic people at work can drive you nuts, especially if the toxic person is your boss. All you want to do is stay away from them, but you know you have to work with them everyday. Of course they won't get fired or find another job (only in your dreams), so you have to figure out some way to deal with them so you can keep your sanity. It can be hard (and it really is!), but here's how you can put your best foot forward and contribute to a healthy work environment:
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Instructions
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Realize that the toxic person is not going to change. If they talk to you about other people in the office, you can bet they are talking about YOU to the other people as well. The only way to deal with the toxic person is to ignore the gossip they spew out and turn the conversation back to them. If you can stomach a conversation with them, talk to them about their job or life in a positive way. Most gossipers and toxic people love to talk about themselves. Don't give them any information about your personal life - only talk about work projects and getting things done on time.
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Figure out what the toxic person wants. Most toxic people and gossipers are truly insecure about themselves and need constant attention (surprise, surprise!). If you figure out what they want (praise, kudos, someone to listen to them, attention, etc), give them a dose of it every now and then. Be sure not to get sucked in though, they might keep you there for hours. Always give them what they want WHEN YOU KNOW you're going to depart from the situation in a specified amount of time.
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Keep your distance. Don't put yourself in situations where you will be sucked into their toxic bubble. If you're going to a meeting, sit on the other side of the room. Try to avoid closed door meetings alone with toxic people. If you have a cubicle or office near them, put headphones on even if you're not listening to anything. Hopefully this is allowed in your office. Do not have one on one lunches with toxic people unless absolutely necessary. Chances are, other people think they are toxic and if you are seen out somewhere, those folks might assume you are part of the toxic bubble. Don't sabotage your career this way.
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Stay positive and don't contribute to their negativity. Refrain from saying anything bad about other office staff or work situations, especially while in the company of your toxic 'friend'.
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Choose your battles. Some toxic people can make your blood boil. If you can, pretend that what they do doesn't actually exist or didn't happen (unless you have to because it's part of your job). That way you won't be mentally affected from whatever chaos they are creating.
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Take the high road. It's very easy to get sucked in to a toxic person's life if you don't recognize that you are getting pulled in. Their meaningless charades can create one crazy work environment, but if you take the high road and don't react, more of your office mates will likely follow.
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Realize that you are part of the problem. Yes, it's hard to admit, but if you move from job to job and you find yourself irritated by certain kinds of people, you have some work to do. You need to figure out what you're doing that makes toxic people treat you the way they do. Is it your facial expressions? The way you talk? What you wear? The snappy comments you make when they drive you nuts? The fact that you hate your job? If you don't want to change anything, then don't, but it might be worth your while when you go to your next job and you realize those toxic people aren't bothering you anymore.
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Once you figure out the 'key' (what they want and what you're doing) that unlocks the door, you'll be free from toxic people forever more. That's not to say you won't encounter toxic people ever again, I'm saying they won't get on your last nerve anymore because you'll be aware of what's happening to them and yourself, you'll be able to remove yourself from the toxic behavior and overall you'll deal with the situation more effectively.
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If all else fails and the toxic person is completely beyond understanding or help, it's time to look for a new job. Getting out might be the best thing you ever did. You never know what adventures await!
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Tips & Warnings
Never let anyone at work know the tactics your following. They might go behind your back and tell the toxic person what you're doing.
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Comments
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this was helpful.....
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How well said Lynda. So true that we have to look at why we attract these types and incorporate ways of keeping them at bay. Yes, we can we can spot them at 50 paces but that doesn't mean they won't infiltrate or we'll screw up by befriending yet another one. Having learned the hard way and knowing better still, I befriended an extremely narcissistic person a little over a year ago. Like any perp, they don't show their true colors until much later. It was no small endeavor to break away from her last year. She had the gall to resurface after 8 months of being away. Granted, she called in between those 8 months but I didn't answer until lately. Yes, big mistake. She tried every avenue to stock up on my life and surroundings, even cooking up a scheme to infiltrate the people in this apartment building to join forces with (or manipulate) a couple of equally toxic neighbors. As though that isn't enough to deal with (or avoid). Right on cue, she tried to capitalize on and exploit the challenges of apartment life. She would pursue several delusional agendas including a strategy to drop anchor in my home, kick her heels up, take over and become an inescapable burden! For nearly 20 years she has done the exact same thing on some man's property. He can't escape the squatting or chaos either. Her tactics are so well planned (past and present) it's scary. Amazing the time they put in to attaching to other people's lives reeking havoc. I have Complex ptsd and here she is exploiting that and enjoying the serious decline in my mental health. The inescapable harassment and filthy phone messages meant threatening her with legal recourse for fraud. I didn't want to be mired in her or that and thankfully so far, she's left me alone. Like any narcissist or socio, they will always resurface. It's suffocating to live in such a guarded way, like you're on the run. Like you say, they are fearless, charming and often, are not intimidated by legal recourse as they are accustomed to little, if any accountability. The system is tailored in favor of perpetrators and little protection for victims and the perps know that. So here I am left living in fear, trying to quietly come back from a breakdown, wondering when she'll resurface with new and improved chaos. The list of despicable behavior that she enjoys is endless and upsetting to think about. And here I am in the midst of yet another breakdown. We all know trying to appease them is fruitless, only serves to flatter them and likely adds to being at their mercy. Toxic souls indeed...
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There is a charm to most toxic people. Face it, the impulsivity, the aggression, the nerve, the fearlessness and daring that most of them have. These people usually have terrific personalities and draw people in, don't they? But they all have that aggression problem and lack of self control which makes them dangerous. You never know when they'll come out and bite the hand that feeds them. I just don't trust people like this anymore and I've gotten rid of most of them, in order to clean house. I can spot them a mile away now. I stay very very distant and never befriend anyone like this anymore. You just don't want to "share" anything with them....they'll stockpile and pull out the guns on you....and most of the time for no good reason......later.
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What good advice for dealing with difficult people!
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mkh1958
Mar 15, 2009
Love this article. Good advice. 5*
