How to Express Sympathy When Someone Dies

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By mrsmurphy
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Most people want to express sympathy when a friend, family member or work associate experiences the death of someone they love. Knowing how to express sympathy in those situations is not always easy. But it is even more difficult when a friend, acquaintance, or work associate dies, and we do not know the grieving family. Out of respect for the dead person we may still want to express our sympathy to the family and let them know that we cared about the deceased. You can send a card or note, but whether you are expressing your sympathy in writing or in person, it can be hard to know what to say.
While expressions of sympathy are inadequate to eliminate grief, they do help the grieving know that others care about what they are going through. So here are some suggested ways of expressing sympathy:

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Step 1

1) Share a positive reminiscence of something the person said or did, such as a time they helped you personally, or share an anecdote about them (but nothing embarrasing or hurtful).
Step 2

2) Share with the family a positive quality about the person that you appreciated, such as how friendly they were or what a good sense of humor they had.
Step 3

3) If you know anything about their religious beliefs, then share with them your hope that God and their faith will bring them comfort in their time of loss.
Step 4

4) Give a memorial to a charity in honor of the deceased.
Step 5

5) Give the grieving person a journal to write down their feelings, emotions and memories of their loved one.
Step 6

6) Take them food or a meal. (Because people often receive gifts of food when they lose a loved one, you might consider something that can be frozen or a basket of ingredients that could be easily cooked and mixed together to use at a later date)
Step 7

7) Give flowers, a plant, or a gift basket.
Step 8

8) Do not say, "I know how you feel." If you can truly understand a little of what they are going through (for example a friend's mother has suddenly died of a heart attack and your mother died the same way several months previous) then it is okay to say something like, "I know how much it hurts to lose your mom this way." It is also okay to share something that helped you through your experience, but remember what is going on right now is not about you, it is about the person to whom you are expressing sympathy.
Step 9

9) It is always okay to say, "I'm praying for you" as long as it is true and the grieving person isn't an atheist who will be offended by such a statement.
Step 10

10) You can say, "If there's anything I can do to help…" but it is usually more helpful to offer specifics such as picking the kids up from school or picking up the dry cleaning, etc.
Step 11

11) If you didn't know the person who died well enough to share anything, then the best thing you can say is, "I'm sorry about your loss (or the death of your husband/wife/child/etc.) Hugs are also nice.
Step 12

12) Send the grieving a "thinking of you" card several days after the funeral.
Step 13

13) Keep in touch after the funeral. Invite them out, or offer to help them in specific ways.

Comments

corimore said

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on 6/29/2009 I agree with most of that. But after the loss of my twins I don't think I could handle one more I am so sorry to hear about your babies. Or even I'm sorry for your loss. Sometimes hearing that over and over starts to feel fake. When Someone sees me and say's I heard about your babies That is so sad you're in my prayers that feels more real and truthful to me than the worn out I'm sorries. but this article is wonderful kudo's from corimore you have given great advice.