How to Cope When Your Ex Gets Physical Custody
Screaming, yelling, threatening, shoving, and cursing won't help your case if he or she is awarded physical custody of the children. So how do you cope?
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Things You'll Need
- Money
- Patience
- The will to fight or the will to compromise
- Self-control
Instructions
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If you weren't jilted at the alter, you were jilted in the courtroom. He or she wanted the children just as much as you and was willing to sprinkle a few lies in their case to get them. You will first need to make up in your mind whether you will fight another legal battle for your children or compromise. If you fight another legal battle then he or she will most likely fight another one and so on and so fourth. You will need to make up in your mind whether you want your children to witness all the stress between both parents.
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Depending on what you have decided, you will need money. Money for an attorney and money put away to spend on the children during times when they are visiting you (not to mention a college savings fund.) You may also need money for child support. List every possible money source you have and use those sources to fund your cause. There are legal resources that may help you if you income qualify, search the Internet under legal aid or free legal help. However, if you want a top notch attorney then you will need top notch money.
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If you choose to compromise for now, but battle later. You will need to build a strong case for the future. Record phone calls between you and the ex, save emails, take pictures of the children if they have questionable bruises or markings, interview them on video every time they visit with you and have them explain in their own words what a typical day over the other parent's home is like during each visit, have them talk about school, friends, activities, what they eat, who they visit, and who cares for them when the other parent isn't around. Make note of these things as well as their weight while visiting too.
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Be sure to always be pleasant during the pick up and drop off times. If you choose to act angry, curse, be violent, drink or do drugs, watch R and X rated movies or do acts in front of your children, your chances of winning in a future battle will be lost.
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Finally, do your best to keep your children out of all adult business. Make a point to keep your environment nice, clean, and kid friendly. Don't have the children seated in front of a television screen the whole visit. Create lasting memories that the children will cherish in the future. You want your children to go back and speak nothing but good things about you to your ex -- that is the sweetest justice! Most of all, have patience and hope, because one day they will be old enough to tell the judge what they want and you just never know, your ex may need you sooner rather than later to take them off his or her hands.
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Tips & Warnings
The children will tell you at times they want to live with you. That's normal especially when they aren't doing well in school, they desire their parents' attention, or they were punished for misbehaving.
The children will play parents against one another to get their way. If daddy says no, they may ask mommy. Try your best to communicate what is off limits and stick to it. Avoid the temptation to get back at the parent by doing something negative or telling the child things that would cause problems for all parties.
Be willing to relocate your life if you are the unfortunate parent that lives far away. Don't be like so many disgruntled exs who refuse to let the parent interact with the children or like others who just throw the towel in and forget about their children (that is until they become famous.)
